Should Kids Be Gifted Technology for the Holidays?

If you are anything like me, you haven’t even put your Halloween decorations away, but yet, here you may be (queue up the “All I Want For Christmas” music) starting to hear the never ending Santa requests. Is your child begging for his first phone? Maybe a new gaming system? Or is it an upgrade to the iPhone 12? Regardless of the specific item on that precious letter to Santa, call them all ‘devices’, let us take a minute to think through the pros and cons of gifting technology to our children this holiday season.

There is no questions that the pure, undulated joy that your child will feel on Christmas morning, should they make Santa’s Good List and receive that device so deeply desired, will be unmatched by anything Santa has previously delivered. However, Santa, lucky for him, does not have to deal with the challenges and dangers that come with these devices. I want to encourage every parent to write Santa a letter requesting he refrain from bequeathing our children with devices. I know, seems strange, as I would love for Santa to spring for that iPhone and save me the cash.  But here is why we need to petition the Big Man….

The devices our children are requesting come with tremendous responsibility both for them and for us as parents. I am a firm believer that before a child ever receives these powerful devices, conversations need to be held, rules need to be agreed upon, and limitations must be set. (Note: See 5 Ways to Keep Kids Safe with the Gift of Technology for suggestions.) This is a negotiation, and your child is a swift negotiator! We, as parents, are in the best position to set the rules and boundaries BEFORE they receive the device. Receiving that phone should be a condition of agreeing to the limits and rules of the house. Violation of the rules have a consequence such as loss of phone time or of the phone all together. Truth be told, kids will sell their soul to the devil to get the desired device that “every kid in their class has”. Note: every kid in the class does not have one.

The reality is that Santa doesn’t have these discussions with our children prior to Christmas morning. He thrives on the art of surprise. When the device just shows up under the tree, with no discussion as to the operating procedures, we as parents are in quite a fix. Who wants to see that joy and feel the love of our tweens and teens drain out of their faces on Christmas morning with a comment like “honey, let’s talk about the rules of the phone”? That is a Christmas buzz kill. So, we put it off a few days and let them enjoy that device that they have been wanting for months. A few days turn into a week and before we know it, our children have defined their own rules of operation and the main rule they establish is that there are no rules!

If you want to give your child the gift of technology this holiday season but want to do it in the most beneficial way possible for both you and your child, I suggest one of two options. The first option is to forgo the mind-blowing surprise on Christmas morning and talk to him or her before the gift is given. Establish the ground rules, gain buy in from your child, even sign a contract if you want. Let them open the device on the holiday. They will still be over the moon!

The second option would be to separate it from the holiday altogether. You can tell your child before Christmas that you are not giving this as a gift. Explain the importance of talking about the purchase and responsibility and then offer it as a post or pre-Christmas event. This is what we did when my daughter received her first iPhone. It was an opportunity to reestablish the rules and boundaries. We bought her the phone mid-December and told her it was part of her Christmas gift. She could have cared less that she did not open it on Christmas morning. Let’s be honest, she was thrilled to have it in her hot little hands a whole 2 weeks early!

So, Santa, if you are reading this, please work with me on this and hold off on the iPhone for Junior. If you really have an extra iPhone 12, I’ll happily accept it for myself.