Is Social Media Creating Stress and Anxiety for Teens?

Is social media responsible for an increase in teen depression and anxiety? According US News and World Reports, the number of youths with mental health disorders has nearly doubled in the last decade. Many people point directly to the increase in technology in teens lives. It is inarguable that the amount of screen time in the form of social media, gaming, and texting has exponentially increased for all of us in the last decade and especially in the lives of teens. But does this increase result in more anxiety, depression, etc.? The reality is there are articles and research that support both sides of this argument.

Research aside, here is my reality. My 15-year-old daughter is an avid, typical teen user of social media. I feel like she spent most of her summer doing what I refer to as “mindlessly scrolling” through Instagram, Reddit, and Vsco. I held my opinion to myself when I often wanted to exclaim “How has anything possibly changed on Instagram since you last looked at your feed 3 minutes ago?” I knew that this was not a productive question.

One evening I was sitting with her on the front porch and out of the blue and unprompted she says, “My phone is driving me crazy.” I was surprised and very curious where this conversation was going. My instinct told me less is more and to hold my own words tight: let her talk. So, I responded with a simple “Really?”. She then added “Well, it isn’t really my phone. It is Instagram. It is stressing me out! I feel so much pressure to like people’s post and make the right comments. It is hard to keep up.”  This is a teenager that doesn’t often open up like this. So, I knew it must be causing her some real anxiety.

As a mother, I wanted to tell her to put her phone down, stop mindlessly scrolling, Instagram is dumb, and none of it matters. But these were not effective responses to her feelings nor were they solutions that she would embrace. More importantly, I knew those comments were conversation enders, and I wanted to keep this dialog going. I wanted to build her awareness of her social media use and how it makes her feel. If she could identify which part of her use of social media caused her anxiety, then she could possibly develop her own changes to her behavior. This might create more impactful and long-lasting solutions.

Here are the 3 ways that were effective in building her awareness and driving towards her solutions:

1. I asked questions. I kept the questions simple, and most importantly, I tried to express absolutely no judgement. The goal of the questions was to get her to think and reflect on her use. I asked things like “How do you feel?”, “What would happen if you didn’t keep up?”, “How would your life be affected if you didn’t comment?”
2. I listened more than I talked. At the age of 15-years-old, she is starting to resist my lectures more than she did a few years ago. Her opinions and knowledge of her world is expanding, and her independence is growing. By listening, she was allowed the space to figure it out herself. Certainly, I interjected some opinions and suggestions, but I kept them very short and simple.
3. I asked her to come up with 2 or 3 changes to how she uses social media that might reduce her anxiety. Yes, I had about 100 changes I could have suggested or demanded she make, but this was not productive nor sustaining. By the end of the conversation, she had a few things she wanted to work on.

We can read articles and research findings all day, but our own children are living the reality of being tremendously connected to the digital world. That is not changing anytime soon. The goal is to provide a safe, non-threatening place where they can examine, question, and explore their feelings around their own use of technology. Our children are smart, actually smarter than we realize. By providing them empathy, mentoring, and a space to explore, I am hopeful many of them will begin to adapt their digital habits in healthy ways.