News Alert: Sexting incident at New Trier High School

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Sexting. Not my kid. My kid would never do that. I hear it at every parent presentation and quite honestly, I would probably say the same thing about my own kids if I didn’t know better. The consequences are becoming more and more severe for  anyone caught sending and/or receiving pornographic images.  The most recent incident in the news, New Trier Sexting, has occurred in one of the most affluent suburbs of Chicago, Winnetka, at one of the most highly rated public high schools in the country, New Trier High School. I would bet the farm that the parents of these 12 kids would have made the same claim ‘My kid would never do that.’ They will, they did, and now the punishment is swift and severe along with the publicity and humiliation.

I choose to be an optimist when it comes to kids. I think that the majority of kids that make this mistake are more ignorant of the real harm they are causing as well as the consequences of getting caught. In a survey by DoSomething.org, 40% of teens that sext say that they do it as a joke. I don’t believe that these teens are trying to peddle porn. I believe that they, somehow, think it is funny to do this. Yes, it is cruel, mean and sick, but probably not done out of a criminal motivation.

This is where we come in as parents. We need to start these conversations early, probably earlier than you would like or are comfortable with. However, kids as young as 10, 11, 12 are sexting! We need to educate them not only that it’s wrong but also about the consequences of such online behavior.

Starting these conversations can be very uncomfortable for you and for your child. In my blog Snapchat: Do these pictures really disappear forever? I suggested some ways to initiate conversations about topics such as sexting. One suggestion was to find a current, relevant article to share with your child and then open up a discussion about it. Here’s your chance. There are a couple of different topics in this one article:

  • Ask your child for his thoughts and opinions on the peer jury.
  • What does your child think is an appropriate punishment?
  • What would your child do if he was the recipient of such pictures?
  • How did the pictures originate?

I think that you might be surprised at the opinions that our children have and the stories that they might offer about similar situations.

As I was writing this blog, I ran this exact experiment on my 16 year old.  I showed him the article and asked what he thought. It was hard to get him talking. I got a small window to ask him what he would do if he ever receives a sext. He said he would simply delete it. I told him that legally that is not enough. According to Detective Rich Wistocki out of the Naperville Police Department, he needs to do two things: 1.He needs to tell the sender to stop sending him the pictures. 2. He needs to tell a parent, teacher, etc. that he received this. Remember, both the sender and the recipient are guilty if these two actions are not taken. I have to admit that the information was received as most 16 year old boys would receive it….an eye roll and a nod. But he heard me and has now seen a real world example of the consequences for the 12 kids from New Trier.

 

Snapchat: Do those pictures really disappear forever?

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Did you hear that Snapchat was hacked, also known as ‘The Snappening’? The hackers claim that they will be releasing up to 200,000 pictures from Snapchat. Many of these images are nude or semi nude pictures that kids, as young as 10 or 11 years old, have snapped to other people. Half of Snapchat users are teenagers. Soooo…..once again, take this chance to remind your young ‘snapper’ that nothing disappears on the internet. Nothing. Ever.

Do you think your child is using Snapchat? Have you talked to her about the reality of disappearing pictures? It can be a tough discussion especially when you talk about the nature of some of these pictures. One of the best ways to generate a discussion with children is to take the attention off of them. They tend to get defensive, discount what you say as ‘you don’t know what you are talking about’, and shut down. One suggestion is to have them read an article about the incident. There are many out there.  Just Google ‘The Snapping’. Then ask them what they think about it. Believe it or not, kids have strong opinions about this stuff. They may not always be too accurate, but they have them. Once you get them comfortable talking, they will probably have a story or two about what has happened to them or their friends.

In case you are not all too familiar with Snapchat, let’s take a second to give you the basics.

What is it?

Snapchat is a photo messaging application. Users can take pictures, record videos, add text and drawings, and send it to a list of recipients. The attraction, especially for kids, is the concept that the photo ‘disappears’ after a defined amount of time, 1-10 seconds. The intent of the founders was to created a social network with greater privacy than other social networks, like Instagram and Facebook.

Like many social networks, users must be 13 years old, which really doesn’t slow down any 10, 11, or 12 year old. As long as simple math can be done, 2014-13, anyone can set up an account.

How popular is it?

Pretty popular! Snapchat was launched in September, 2011. As of September 2014, there are 100 million monthly active users. And how many snaps does that amount to? Ready for this? The number of snaps per day is 400 million! Holy Snapchat! Clearly it has the attention of the public, specifically, the 10-17 year old public.

What are the dangers?

The most obvious danger is the incorrect perception that the image ‘disappears’. Let me say it one more time. Nothing. Disappears. On. The. Internet. While most kids cannot hack into the Snapchat servers, they sure are capable of taking a screenshot. Yes, a notification is sent to the sender that a screenshot was taken. But so what? Who cares? Certainly not the receiver that took the screenshot because the photo is now saved and in his possession.

A second danger is the false sense of security that the disappearing picture perception gives kids. Those that have previously exercised good judgement in their picture choices, now feel more comfortable pushing the envelope on the type of pictures and get a little more daring. There is a lot of pressure to get edgier, more daring. Why not? It’s fun and the picture is gone in 10 seconds. Right? Not so much.

What can you do?

As always, communicate with your child.  Find a way to start a dialog on this topic. Most often, kids are simply unaware of the dangers and the implications of inappropriate actions. Children, especially the 10, 11, and 12 year olds, are very literal. We tell them that the picture never goes away. They nod their heads as if they understand. However, when I teach kids, I hear more often than not ‘My mom told me that, but I didn’t really understand what she meant.’ They need concrete examples and stories that they can relate to and connect the dots.

Privacy Settings

I, actually, had never heard about privacy settings for Snapchat. But yes, there are a couple. There is one for who can send you snaps and another for who can see your stories. Follow this link for easy to follow instructions on how to set this for your child. Snapchat Privacy Settings

At the end of the day, Snapchat, like most apps, is a fun social network. The key is for you to understand the app, its risks, and communicating to your child about appropriate usage and dangers.

How do you set time limits with technology in your family?

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My cousin shared this article from the New York Times with me. Take a second to read it. It is pretty interesting.

Steve Jobs was a Low Tech Parent

Personally, I found this article to be both thought provoking and humbling, with a little bit of humor sprinkled in (loved the part about touch screens in Jobs’ home). I initially just shared it on my personal Facebook page. A couple of friends remarked on the article, and I could see the wheels turning in their heads as well as my own as to how we handle limits of technology in our homes.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not the model parent when it comes to screen time limitations. Like some of you, I have all the rationalizations at the ready to relieve my guilt: my kids are active, homework gets done, grades are good (most of the time), none of them are obsessive with it (not completely true), blah, blah, blah. We do have one rule that is never violated and I am happy to say never even challenged: No tech at any meals, either in the house or at a restaurant.

After reading the article and being honest with myself, I thought about what I should do. Do I institute limits? Do I collect devices during the week? These are both possible solutions. Heck, they seem to work for the big wigs of the world that we all depend on to give us the next, great iPhone. However, as I thought a little more, I realized that there are some difficulties with this in my home, and I don’t think there is one solution that fits all three of my kids.

When do they out grow limits?

I have a high school junior and quite honestly, he probably could benefit the most from some limits. However my overriding objective with him is to teach him how to self regulate and get him ready to go off to college. The harsh reality is that he will be ON HIS OWN in 22 VERY short months (sniff, sniff). I’d much rather see him struggle with independence now rather than when he goes off to college. The price of struggling with independence at that point is very high both emotionally and financially.

My current approach across his life is to create responsibility for him to managing his life by giving him independence WITH consequences. The goal is to get him to balance his technology time with homework, activities, and responsibilities. Certainly I monitor this, offer guidance, provide gentle reminders, and if necessary, enforce consequences when he does not succeed at finding the balance. So for my high school junior, hard limits might prove to be more detrimental in the long run.

Should limits be affected by how the technology is being used?

The other two kids in the house are 13 and 10 years old. It would be logical to set limits for these two. The 13 year old probably would not even use his allotment of screen time and could sell off his excess to his younger sister! He tends to be more interested in things that involve some type of ball and movement.

The 10 year old is a little more of a conundrum. She is on her iPad a lot. However, I am fascinated with how and what she does. She is not allowed on Instagram or other social media sites and does not really play games. She loves to create charms with clay. Unbeknownst to me, there is a vast online community doing this. So she creates instructional videos that she shares (she is highly aware of a the safety of not showing her face and giving out any personal info) and follows other crafters. I’m amazed at the creative outlet she has found. I ask myself ‘Would I limit her time of crafting if technology was not involved?’ Absolutely not. I actually would encourage it. For her, technology has enhanced a very creative skill.

What am I demonstrating?

Hello, my name is Liz and I am a phone addict! One of my parenting mantras is to not expect something from my children that I don’t expect of myself. If I’m honest with myself, my use is slightly excessive. Yes, it is part of my job. But, I could put my phone down more often. I could not check my email at every stop light. I really don’t need to read Facebook posts multiple times a day. I am the living, breathing example to my children. If I question their amount of time on technology, maybe I should be cognizant of my own. I’m sure I’m not alone here.

So what is the bottom line of my reflection on this article? In an effort to create some limits that might work in my home, I think I might propose a ‘Technology Free Night’. We can have dinner together and play an old fashion game or maybe watch a movie. The goal is not to punish anyone in the family by limiting technology but rather to promote and encourage healthy, family bonding behavior. The technology tends to disconnect us all. So maybe that is the goal for us…take some time to build real connections.

 

What in the World is This Cloud Everyone is Talking About?

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I know you have all heard of the “Cloud”. Your kids might have said things like “Oh, it’s up on the cloud” or “I’ll pull it off the cloud.” They might even turn in homework through the cloud.

Let’s be honest….how many of us really know what in the world they are talking about? How many of us picture the homework assignment floating on a white, puffy cloud amongst a pretty blue sky? Sure, you may be able to fake your way through a cocktail party conversation on the topic, but if someone called you out to explain it, I’m guessing your ship would be sunk.

So why is this post about the cloud? Good question. The main reason is to help you gain a better understanding of what our children already innately know and understand. One of my philosophies is that our job as parents is to educate ourselves about the world that our children are growing up in. If we want to guide them safely and gracefully into adulthood, then we need to understand the landscape of their world.

Here’s a little secret: You just need to know enough so that your children THINK you know more! You do not have to know more than they do in order to build your credibility with them. Actually, you do not even have to know as much as they do. You just need to be able to hold a reasonable conversation with them and many times you can learn more from them once you get them talking.

iCloud 101 Tutorial

What is it? iCloud is a storage and computing service launched by Apple in October 2011. Currently, there are 320 million users. It allows you to store your data, like music, pictures and apps on remote servers. In today’s world, we have so much data that we are using on our devices, that we run out of space. Now we can store all that data on the cloud and then download it to, or run it through, other devices.

What can we use it for? Basically it lets you access your music, photos, videos, documents, and any other data from whatever device your are using. You can access music on your iPad from your iPhone, etc. This translates into content everywhere. Anything you purchase (think iTunes, App Store, etc.) is automatically available on all your devices. You can also share photos with friends and family by creating a shared photo stream.

I remember a few years ago when I  lost my phone that had ALL my contacts and appointments in it. I was frantic not for the phone, but for the data that it contained. My husband said, “When was the last time you synced your phone?’ It had been over a year. I never took the time to sync the phone to the computer. I hated the process! Fast forward to today’s world of the cloud. Whenever your iOS device is turned on, locked and connected to a power source and WIFI, the data will be backed up to the cloud. Good bye to the idea of syncing the device, It is done for you.

Now that you have a working knowledge of the cloud, how can you initiate a conversation with your child? What better way than to talk about a current event involving the star of Hunger Games? Ask your child if she heard about Jennifer Lawrence’s nude photos being hacked and posted on line. Here is CNN’s story on it:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/01/showbiz/jennifer-lawrence-photos/

I believe that one of the best ways to talk to my kids about important topics is to find a non-threatening third party subject to talk about like this recent news story. It creates a conversation where my kids feel free to express their opinions and do not feel the need to defend themselves as it isn’t about them. It also provides living, breathing examples of what can go wrong. The conversation could go in a couple of different directions that open up some great topics for discussion.

  1. Talk about the ever popular topic of how secure (never perfectly secure) the Internet really is.
  2. How about the idea that once a picture is out there on the Internet, there is a risk that it will get out to an unintended and sometimes very large audience.  Once posted, always posted!
  3. Why did Jennifer Lawrence have nude photos on her cloud account at all? Discuss the appropriateness of her photos that were stolen.

Just for fun, try this out tonight at the dinner table. I think you will be amazed at how easily the conversation takes off in several directions!

 

What Should You Ask About Technology in the Classroom?

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For most of us, kids are back in school. It’s the good and bad. This means back to routines, homework, structure, bedtimes, fall sports, to name a few things. For me, its back to making lunches at 6:30am and keeping everyone organized and moving forward.

As I think about the coming year, I have the realization that all 3 of my kids are the most tech savy they have ever been. They use technology socially, educationally, and for entertainment. In the classroom, YouTube, Minecraft, BrainPop and even MythBusters are used to engage kids. My daughter even has her own blog which allows her to write on a regular basis in a way that excites her. (Check out http://www.bakerdelights.com/ – her specialty is French Macaroons!)

Undoubtedly, we will all be attending ‘Curriculum Night’ at the schools. If you are like me, the first thought I have is that I have heard the spiel too many times, 14th year of attending these types of meetings. But this year should be different. It is obvious that the landscape in the schools is changing quickly with 1:1 technology programs. Even if your school has not implemented 1:1, Common Core Standards are requiring technology in the classroom. I used to tell parents that full-blown technology was coming in the classroom. Well, it has arrived!

Now is the time to ask questions. I encourage you to do a little homework before Curriculum Night. Think about how our schools will use technology in the classroom and how we should use it in the home to promote learning, motivation, and appropriate online behavior.

To save you time, I have come up with some questions that you may want to ask at your school:

  • Which websites and/or apps are used in the classroom?
  • Approximately how much time during class do you use websites and/or apps?
  • Which apps should we get and which sites should we bookmark for homework help?
  • How much homework, on average, will require my child to be online?
  • Does my child need her own device for school? If so, what do you recommend?
  • If homework includes visiting a popular site, such as YouTube, how do I make sure my child is staying on task?
  • Will my child need to create any accounts online for school? If so, can you communicate that to the parents in advance?
  • What technology should I be comfortable with in order to help my child troubleshoot, i.e Google Docs? This is especially helpful to know at 10:00pm the night before an assignment is due and your child is freaking out that they cannot submit the assignment on time!

If you have any questions of your own, please feel free to add a comment with it below. It will be helpful to everyone in the room if you can ask some well thought out questions on this subject. Hopefully, we can all get some new, helpful information out of Curriculum Night this year!

Is Your Child ooVoo-ing? Mine is!

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I failed.  Shoemaker’s children syndrome.  Have you heard of ooVoo?  I have, which makes my failure worse.  After all, it is my job to know the apps kids are using and how to keep them safe while using them.  So what’s the story, you ask?

About a month ago, my daughter, who is 9 years old, mentioned that she was using ooVoo to video chat with her friend that is unable to use Facetime.  As you can imagine, the topic came up at an inconvenient time and I thought ‘Oh, I need to check the settings for her.’  I had the thought, but never had the time.  Unlike some of you, I do know what ooVoo is but I was too busy and too preoccupied at the time to actually check her settings.  Until….someone strange sent her a request, which immediately got my attention!

I have to tell you that I was shocked to hear that she even knew what ooVoo was, much less that she downloaded it and was a user. So I share this with you because most parents have no idea what ooVoo is while their kids are most likely quite familiar with this video chatting service and are actively using it.  For your convenience, here’s a quick 101 on ooVoo:

What is it?  ooVo is a high quality video chat application. Think Facetime or Skype.  It allows people to connect with up to 12 friends at one time and video chat or have a voice call.  You can download it on an iPad, iTouch, iPhone, Android phone, etc.   And shamefully, I tell you that you must be 13 years old to set up an account, which doesn’t slow anyone down who can subtract 13 years from 2014.

What are the concerns for your child using ooVoo?  As with all social media, the main concern is who can search out your child easily.  The easier it is to find the child, the faster a predator will find them, start talking to them and find a way to connect with them without the child realizing what is happening.  The second concern is the way in which ooVoo is being used.  In my case, my daughter was using it with only 2 friends as a way to do crafts with each other – virtually.  Take a second to figure out when, where, and why your child is using this app.

How do you manage your child’s ooVoo account?

  1. Always know your child’s password.  This will allow you to ensure that they are using ooVoo safely.
  2. Make sure that the privacy settings are properly set up.  Without using the privacy settings, your child can be contacted by anyone at anytime and anyone can see the profile of your child.  I have my daughter’s set to ‘Nobody’ so that only people who know her ooVoo ID can contact her.
  3. Review the history of your child’s account.  You will be able to see who they are chatting and messaging with.  Ensure that you know all of these people and are comfortable with it.  Note that your child can erase the history.
  4. If your child receives an unwanted friend request, ignore it AND check the box to Also block this person from contacting me again.
  5. Frequently review your child’s friends to ensure that you know them all.
  6. Remind your child to always log out when they are finished using ooVoo, especially if another person’s device is being used.
  7. Learn how to use the product!  If your child knows that you are involved and understand the technology they are using, they will not feel free to do whatever they please because “Mom doesn’t have a clue how this works!”

ooVoo is not necessarily bad.  Like most social media apps, there are some great uses for kids.  For example, working on a group project would be a great use of ooVoo, given the ability to have multiple users on the same video chat session. However, the dangers come when kids use them in unproductive ways and when the privacy settings are not set tightly.  This is where our job as parents is so critical.  This is where I dropped the ball.  Thankfully, my daughter came to me immediately when she received this strange friend request.  I was lucky this time. I vow to pay much closer attention in the future. I hope you do too!

 

 

 

Staying Up To Speed on Our Children’s Technology

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We have lots of new things happening that we are very excited to share. Our goal is to make your job of parenting in this digital age much easier, more effective, and more time efficient.  At every presentation, I get the same question: “How do I stay current on what is happening out there? I can’t keep up!” Or some other questions along that same thought are:

  • How do I know when a new app comes out that my child might be using?
  • What settings do I need to be aware that will protect my child?

The answer to these questions is very simple: Follow us on Twitter or Facebook! We will be posting on a daily basis. We will provide you with up to date information on technology, current events related to keeping our kids safe, parenting tips,questions and surveys,  and any other information that we think might be helpful or of interest to you.

So please take a second to ‘Like’ Cyber Safety Consulting on Facebook or follow us on Cyber Safety Consulting’s Twitter feed.  So when we get the low down on the latest app that is hot with the kids and the dangers that it presents, we will get that information to you within the day!

I know what you are thinking….’I’m not on Facebook or Twitter, but I NEED this type of information!”  No worries.  We have you covered.  Just make sure that you are signed up to receive our news and blog updates.  Go to our NEW and IMPROVED website (feel free to poke around) and sign up.  Just click this link and we will take you right there: Cyber Safety Consulting

The Next Problem App: Yik Yak

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New information has just surfaced regarding the recently introduced app, Yik Yak.

Although this logo seems rather friendly, you, as parents, should be aware of this app. It allows users, kids, to post anonymous comments to other users, or other kids. As you can read in this article, schools in the Chicagoland area have banned this app from their networks and sent letters to parents asking them to ensure that the app is not installed on their children’s phones.

Read Full Chicago Tribune Article

Here are some things that parents should know about Yik Yak:

  • The App Store states that you must be 17 years old to download the app. This clearly doesn’t stop anyone.
  • The first line of description of Yik Yak in the App Store is “Yik Yak – the anonymous social wall for anything and everything.” Clearly this app is not intended for middle school or high school age children.
  • Yik Yak also allows users to post comments under an alias. Similar to Snapchat, this leads to a false sense of security with kids allowing and almost encouraging them to increase the risk factor on their posts.
  • Yik Yak can have frequent and intense sexual content as well as nudity and profanity.
  • Users are led to believe that the sources of comments cannot be traced again leading to a false sense of security for kids to bully as well as threaten violence to schools.
  • Yik Yak is available through both the App Store (iProducts) and Google Play (Androids).

Take a second to check your child’s phone, tablet, etc. and ensure that they are not using this app. The recent increase in media reports on this app is a double edged sword. While it is great that the attention raises awareness to us as parents, it also raises awareness to kids and increases their intrigue into what Yik Yak is.

What is an ‘In-App’ Purchase and How To Prevent It

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Have you ever received a credit card charge from Google Play or the Apple App Store and you did not know what it was for? It may have come from an in-app purchase that your child made on your account while playing a harmless game, such as Tiny Zoo Friends.

What is an In-App Purchase?
While playing a game that has been downloaded from the App Store or Google Play, a message pops up asking the player if he or she would like more of something that will advance them further in the game. For example, the player may be offered more coins or a map. The game itself may have been downloaded for free from the online store, but these offers to the players come with a price and the price can add up quickly. I know many parents who have received charges totaling between $500-$1000, all from in-app purchases.

How Do Credit Card Charges Occur? 
The App Store and Google Play have the capability to store credit cards. When they are used, a valid password associated with that card must be entered. Many of our children know these passwords for the ease of downloading things from the stores. So when the offer pops up to buy more coins, they simply enter the password and have the goods. In some cases, the kids do not have the passwords and the parent enters them when the child asks to download something. That credit card can be valid and active for a full 30 minutes and does not require a password entry. So the parent enters the password, downloads the game for the child and sends him or her off to enjoy, but as those offers pop up over the next 30 minutes, the child can unknowingly rack up a big bill quickly.

What Settings Can Prevent In-App Purchases?
On iTouches, iPads, and iPhones, there is a little known flag that can be set under the Restrictions options, called ‘In-App Purchases’. Set this to the off position and the device will not allow these purchases to be made. Additionally, directly below the ‘In-App Purchases’ setting is another setting called ‘Required Password’. This should be set to ‘Immediately’ which will prevent the additional purchases to be made from the one password entry.

As for Android users and customers of Google Play, Google has just updated it’s settings so that a password must be entered for each purchase. Attached are the steps to follow to ensure that the device is setup properly.

Setting Password Protection in Google Play

Feel free to call/email Cyber Safety if you need any assistance with these settings.

Kajeet – Cell Phone for Kids with Built-In Parental Controls

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I recently came across a new, innovative cell phone company – Kajeet. I found it interesting because they claim to have built-in FREE parental controls already installed on the cell phone. According to their website, www.kajeet.com, you can control the following features:

  • Time Manager: This allows you to control when the phone can and can’t be used
  • Find Your Kid: A GPS feature that allows you to find the phone if it’s lost, track your child and even get email alerts when they arrive at destinations.
  • Contact Manager: A call blocking feature that allows and blocks calls and texts
  • Feature Manager: Allows you to choose which websites your child can access, or turn off web access completely

Best of all, they don’t require a contract and the service is reasonably priced. It only runs on Sprint compatible phones and uses the Sprint network, but if you are OK with that, it could be a great solution. If you have an old Sprint phone laying around, you can activate it and start using it right away.

Personally, I was intrigued enough to activate a phone for my son. I will report on my experiences in a future blog post.