Coach Sloane walking the course with student athlete

Guest blogger: Coach Renee Slone, Head Coach, University of Illinois Women’s Golf Team

Social media has now become a part of the recruiting process for prospective student-athletes and college coaches. This platform can make a significant impression on coaches and determine the course of action they follow with an individual recruit, both in a positive respect as well as a negative one.

My coaching staff at the University of Illinois often searches a recruit’s name to see if she has a social media presence. This is typically easiest to do with Facebook and a bit more challenging with Twitter. We do ask for the prospect’s Twitter handle and Skype name on our student-athlete questionnaire.  Not every prospective student-athlete has a social media presence but the majority do. For example, at the University of Illinois, we currently have a student-athlete who has no presence on social media at all. She says that she is just not interested in it nor has the time for it. On the other hand, we have student-athletes who have a strong presence on social media and we require that they show the utmost respect to the University, their team, and themselves.

Here at U of I, one of the goals of the recruiting process is to get to know the recruit as much as possible through watching her play in tournaments, talking to her on the phone, speaking to her high school coach, and having her visit the University. The coaching staff’s goal is to determine if there is a match between the recruit and the culture of our program. Social media has provided us with one more tool to use in this evaluation. From a positive perspective, we gain visibility into her personality, likes, dislikes, interests, and what she is willing to share publicly. It can demonstrate that she is a well rounded individual who will be an asset to the program. For example, some of our current players are gifted in the area of music and this is evident on their social media accounts. We can see a recruit’s involvement in her community or commitment to family, which all reflect positively on the recruit.

What else am I looking for on social media? My coaching staff is typically looking for red flags about a recruit. It is rare for a recruit’s social media actions to immediately dismiss her from the process. However, the recruit’s posts or pictures may alert us of something that we want to probe into a little more deeply during a phone call, campus visit, or during a competition. Or the post may confirm a question or suspicion we had about the recruit after watching her compete or speaking with her. We will look at photos, friends, as well as the language that she uses on social media. Of particular note is learning what a recruit chooses to comment on or who posts things to her page.

It is important to understand how the recruit chooses to use social media as it provides us with insight to both her maturity level and self confidence. In a positive way, as I talked about previously, it can be a wonderful way to display her talents and interests outside of golf and we like to see this. However, on the negative side, we sometimes see a recruit use it as way to gain attention or a reaction from her online world. This is a concern to us as it demonstrates a lack of maturity. One example of this is a recruit who tweeted after a poor performance in a tournament. The recruit had played poorly and reacted by being critical in the tweet about the tournament organizer. This caused us to question her level of respect as well as her ability to handle a poor performance. It did not reflect positively on her.

Photos can be very interesting as well. Student-athletes, parents and even coaches have all revealed some telling information on their sites. With this communication platform, it is difficult to decipher tone. What the recruit does not understand is that a person’s perception is their reality even if that is not the message the social media user intended. By this, I mean that as coaches look at social media, we are left to interpret and perceive a recruit’s posts and pictures without her there to explain them.  What we see is our reality even if it is not the actual reality of the recruit.

The oversharing of information tends to be a turn off for many coaches as we typically do not want to know what a prospect is doing every second of the day. Sharing frivolous things that are of little value in getting to know a person better does not warrant positive interest either. Social media can be a window into someone’s life as it allows them to paint a picture of themselves beyond the tournament results and rankings. We try to get to know the athlete well enough so that if something of particular interest arises via social media we can discuss it. In some instances, social media will eliminate a prospect from further recruitment and in other cases it will solidify continuing to build the relationship.

At the end of the recruiting process, the goal is not only to recruit the best golfer, but to recruit the best player for our program. Certainly her ability and performance is critical in this process. There have been instances where we have had two recruits who were very close in ability and rankings. We needed to look beyond the sport to determine the best fit for our program and her social media presence can be a factor in selecting one recruit over another.

Social media can be a wonderful platform to share who you are and what you believe in, but it is not to be taken lightly especially in this day and age. This becomes your personal brand for the entire world to see so it is very important to share wisely as this reveals your character. And character is certainly at the top of the list of qualities for student-athletes for the Women’s Golf Program at the University of Illinois!

Learn more about Coach Slone and the University of Illinois Women’s Golf Team.

Have you heard of Jott Messenger? I had not until I received an email from Jott Messenger the other day. So naturally I Googled it. Here is what I discovered from Common Sense Media:

JOTT MESSENGER allows kids to send text and photo messages to Instagram connections and friends at school. To create an account, kids have to enter a valid email address or cell phone number and then enter a PIN sent via email or text. Once an account is created, the app asks permission to look at your contacts: If you and a friend both use Jott Messenger, you’ll be able to start sending messages right away. You also can allow the app to use your phone’s GPS to help you find your schools. You can add any school without proof that you attend, but to see more than the basic profiles of other students, you have to ask a peer to verify you really go to that school. There also are lots of rules regarding behavior and easy-to-block-bully features.

The next thing I wondered was how popular is this app with kids. Apparently, it is quickly gaining steam! According to an article by CNN Money, it is described in these words:

A white-hot new app for instant messaging, Jott has nearly 500,000 monthly users and one million app installs after just three months on the market.

As with most apps, there are pros and cons to be considered. Jott seems to be no different. Similar to other messaging apps, it allows messaging without data plans. Therefore, kids without cell phones won’t be left out of the texting conversations. They can participate in one to one chats and group chats. But there are some concerns with Jott:

• Generally, parents are unaware of Jott’s existence. This allows kids to message freely, even if parents ‘check their texts’, as parents do not realize that Jott is being used.
• Although there are lots of rules regarding behavior, the content is not monitored. It is up to users to report inappropriate activity.
• Photos sent via Jott self destruct, similar to Snapchat. This can create a false sense of security among kids leading them to be a bit more daring in what they are willing to send to friends. Additionally, the photo can be captured by other users on their devices and kept permanently as well as shared with others.

Finally, the initial email that I received regarding Jott concerns me. The email was a notification that a young girl that I know was now using Jott.  The email stated the following (names have been changed):

Susie Smith is on Jott and has added you. Jennifer Jones and Katie Johnson have already joined.

Obviously, I know who Susie is, but I am not familiar with Jennifer and Katie. That is a significant concern that the names of other kids using the app are being shared with not just strangers, but adult strangers. I believe that when Susie created an account, she allowed the app to use her Instagram contacts to automatically connect with others. Talk to your kids about this feature and the risks associated with it. Additionally, there was a picture of Susie included in the email that I received. As a parent, I never want my child’s profile picture being sent via email to anyone.

To read a more comprehensive description of Jott, use this link to Common Sense Media.

Cell phone rules are one of the most common dilemmas for parents of teenagers: How do I establish rules around the use of my child’s cell phone? There are so many challenges that go along with this. First of all, for both parents and kids, this topic can quickly become a source of negativity. Nobody, parent or child, wants another thing to nag or be nagged about: grades, curfew, friend choices, how they dress, etc. Personally, I much prefer to take away subjects from this list rather than add to it.

Cell phone rules are similar in discussion to technology limits that I wrote about in How Do You Set Technology Limits in Your Family. Certainly you need to determine the needs of your family as a whole and specifically for your child when establishing rules around the use of the phone. It is definitely not a ‘one size fits all’ solution. However, I think that this article from Your Teen Magazine suggest some great starting points in thinking through what might work in your home.

In my opinion, the most important thing to remember is to think this through before you get that very first phone for your child. It is nearly impossible to backtrack on the rules after they have the phone in their possession. Personally, we present the rules of the phone BEFORE we actually purchase the device. If there is push back from the child on the ground rules then we hold off on purchasing the phone. It is a very simple conversation….if you don’t agree to the rules, then no phone.

About a year ago, I was challenged on this very topic. When my daughter was 9 years, she decided that she wanted to save her money to buy an iPad. I figured that after a week or two, this idea would die on the vine. Nope. She pulled weeds, walked dogs, washed her grandmother’s patio furniture and anything else she could do in order to earn a buck. As the summer progressed, it became clear that she was going to save $330 for her ‘very own’ iPad. As she neared the finish line and started talking about the purchase and use of the iPad, I decided it was time to establish the ground rules. She agreed to all but one: Mom takes the iPad at 9:00pm for the night. Her argument was that she was buying it and it was ‘all hers’. I simply and calmly stated that yes it was hers, but we were allowing her to buy this and if she didn’t agree to the rules, she could not purchase it. Not unlike her mother, she is a stubborn and determined child. She said ‘fine, I won’t buy it’, trying to call my bluff. I then suggested that she could buy 3 American Girl dolls with all that money she earned! This was not the response she was looking for. I left the topic alone. After a few days, she came to me and agreed to the rules. A few hours later, we went to the store and purchased the iPad. Had she purchased that iPad and then I tried to establish the rules, it would have been parental suicide for me!

The other big rule that I am a stickler on is no phones, or devices of any kind, at the dinner table. The dinner table includes eating at home or in a restaurant. It also includes family gatherings even if their cousins are using their phones at the table. Meal times are one of the only times that we truly come together as a family and talk. Everyone, including me and my husband, can put their phones down for 30 minutes and talk to each other. This rule started when my children were babies and playing with Leapsters, Nintendo DS, or any other hand held device that entertained them over the years. While I understand that your meal may be much more pleasant if the kids are entertained at the table when they are little, you would be shocked at the quality of conversation you can have at a meal as the kids get older. It is truly priceless. Because we started it young, suffered through a several uncomfortable and quick restaurant visits with toddlers, we now reap the benefits as they are teenagers.

Finally, realize that you can always adjust the rules as your child gets older. Start with stronger rules in place and loosen them where you feel it is appropriate with age and maturity. Remember, as they grow up, the goal is to teach them appropriate technology behavior and to create independence in them.

I recently received an email asking me if I had any tips on setting up Instagram safely for his daughter? Seemed like a great question and one that I get asked often. Instagram is easily the most popular social media app for middle school kids and as parents, we need to understand the concerns as well as the safety measures involved.

Here are the major safety concerns for Instagram:

Intended for users 12 years and older

It is certainly a parent’s decision as to when their child is ready to use Instagram. The App Store gives it a 12+ rating for mild sexual content and nudity, mild profanity and suggestive themes. It really has no built in safety features for the younger audience when it comes to these subjects.

Profiles automatically default to ‘Public’ 

When a profile is initially set up, Instagram defaults to public. This means that anyone can see your pictures and anyone can follow you without having any control over this. Always make sure you switch the account to private. When the account is private, only people who are approved can see the photos and videos on the account.

To set the account to private, go to options by clicking the options icon in the top right corner of the profile page. At the bottom of the options screen there is a setting ‘Private Account’. Turn that to the on position.

Photos can be tagged with a location and the Photo Map option can be used

Always ensure that the location services setting for the camera is off on your child’s device. When location services is on, each picture is tagged with location data that says exactly where that picture was taken. There is a feature in Instagram called Photo Map. This feature maps every picture that is tagged with location information on a Google map. Kids take hundreds of pictures and post to Instagram. This can be a predator’s dream come true when location services is on. It will provide followers with enough information to determine where the child lives, goes to school and hangs out.

Bullying and self esteem issues can arise

Teenagers pay close attention to how many followers they have and how many likes they receive for the pictures they post. At this age, they tend to draw many conclusions about their social status and this can lead to self esteem issues. Additionally, Instagram provides a platform for kids to comment on each other’s pictures. Be aware that this can often lead to cyberbullying situations.

Here’s a quick checklist for you to use to help ensure your child’s safety on Instagram:

1. Make sure you have your child’s user name and password.
2. Make sure the account is set to ‘Private Account’.
3. Make sure that Location Services for the camera is disabled.
4. Follow your child and ensure that photos are appropriate.
5. Talk to your child about the comments they receive, comments they make to others, and how this affects things such as self confidence and friendships.
6. Stay informed on issues that arise around the app. For example, there was recently an issue involving posting of fake celebrity phone numbers on Instagram so that kids would call them. Read more about it as well as how to protect your child from this on this blog.

Obviously the number one goal as a parent is to ensure our children’s safety. However, if you are involved in their online activity, you will open the door to many other parenting opportunities and conversations.

It has been an ironic week. I received two messages from moms sharing their stories with me. One mom had attended a safety presentation where we talked about Instagram. The other mom follows me on Facebook and my website. They are different people with different parenting styles. One had a success story while one had a troubling story to share. However, where the differences end is in the fact that they both have become involved in their children’s online life and both are looking at their middle schoolers’ Instagram accounts (Yippee!)

Let’s start with the good story. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.) Susie walked into the presentation as a self proclaimed technology challenged parent. She didn’t understand social media and was intimidated. As a result, her child had no social media privileges. Her daughter kissed her mother good night as she left for the meeting with the hope that she could get an Instagram account at breakfast the next day after her mother became a social media aficionado.

Susie took copious notes as we talked about the pros and cons of Instagram. She followed along when I walked through how to set up the account so that it is private. The next day, feeling a bit more comfortable and confident with Instagram, she gave her daughter the go ahead to set up an account (queue the cheers from 6th graders). As her daughter downloaded the app and opened her account, Susie ensured that the privacy was set properly and obtained the password from her daughter.

A few days after her Instagram was up and running, I received this in an email:

Katie plays the piano.  It’s a lot of hard work and she always acts like she HATES it.  Yesterday she had a recital, and played a piece successfully that she has been practicing for months.  When she got home, she posted a video of her performance to her Instagram friends.  This morning I got a bit teary when I read over the incredibly sweet and encouraging comments from her friends.  This was just the shot in the arm she needed to continue with piano.  I never thought I’d say this, but “Thank God for Instagram”.  I can tell Katie over and over again how special it is that she can play the piano, but when her PEERS tell her, that’s darn effective (:

The second story comes from a mom who found an Instagram post ‘alarming’. The other day, while her son was at school, she paged through his account. She found a post from another child who her son doesn’t hang around with but is following. The post said this:

Alarming? I agree! Alarming on many levels. Is this kid really suffering? Is this kid trying to bother another kid with unbelievable guilt? Is this a middle schooler’s idea of a joke? This mom had no idea who the child was and what the situation might be but she was very concerned. She immediately called the school counselor and told him what she found. Within hours the post was gone. She may never know any of the answers to what was really behind the post, but that is not important. What is important is that she checked her child’s account, found something very troubling and acted on it. She may have helped a child in trouble or maybe prevented another child from being bullied online.

One story makes me feel good and demonstrates the good that can come from social media. Another story bothers and scares me as to how kids use social media and what they are willing to put out there. But the good news is that these are both great examples of what happens when parents take an active role in their children’s online life. Safety levels are increased not only for their own children but for many others. Conversations take place. Kids are educated. Parents are aware.

Thank you to both of you for sharing your stories with me. And thank you for allowing me to share them with others.