When I work with parents, I am often asked for some ‘quick tips’ for improving children’s safety online. Take a minute to share these suggestions with your children. You might feel like you have talked to them about these previously, but you can never have the discussion around online safety enough.

General Tips

• Create unique and strong passwords that do not use first and/or last names.
• Change a password after logging on to a device that is not your own.
• Never give out personal information online.
• Never share passwords with anyone other than your parents.
• Make sure Location Services is ‘Off’ for the camera on all devices that are able to take pictures.

For more details and explanation of these tips, read this earlier blog on basic tips for online safety.

Social Media

• Have your the username and password for all your child’s social media accounts.
• Only allow your child to go on sites that have privacy settings.
• All accounts should be set to ‘Private’.
• Avoid social media sites that allow users to post anonymous questions or comments.
• Most importantly, understand what social media sites your child is using. Understand what the age limits are and what risks are associated with the social network.

Online Gaming

• Understand the games that your child is playing. What are the age limits? How much violence is there? Is there sexual content?
• Avoid the use of head sets.
• Keep gaming devices in common areas of the home.
• Set gaming time limits.
• Set a gaming curfew if your child is gaming online.
• Use the parental controls on gaming consoles to control content, access to the Internet, and timers. Click here for more details on setting parental controls on Xbox 360.

Sometimes I feel like no matter where I go in my house, someone, or everyone, is lock into a screen of some sort. One child is in his room on social media on his iPad.  Another is in the family room playing XBOX. My husband is in the office working on his laptop. It can be maddening at times. But the one place I know that I can go and not find any phones, iPads, laptops or televisions is my kitchen island.  In our house, the kitchen island is known as a ‘tech free zone’.

In an effort to incorporate healthy tech in the home, try creating tech free zones in the house. It is simple to do and can also be a component of your ‘digital road map‘ that you may have previously created. To do this, all you need to do is answer one question: In what part of the house, do we want to NEVER have technology? It can be bedrooms. It can be the TV room or family room. For us, it is the island in the kitchen. Certainly we are watchful about technology in the bedrooms, but for my family and for a variety of reasons, bedrooms are not official ‘tech free zones’.  The island is the place where we truly gather as a family. We eat most family meals here. The kids eat breakfast here. We play games at the island. We have the debrief of the day here as my kids eat a snack or dessert. It is where conversation happens. There are very few distractions and it has become a part of our family culture.

Here is the catch to making a tech free zone a success in your home: EVERYONE has to follow the rules! This means that my husband and myself are tech free at the island. When we gather for dinner, my phone gets left in another room. When I am hanging out with my son, hearing about his cross country practice as he eats ice cream, if my phone vibrates with a call or text, I resist the urge to pick it up or pull it out of my back pocket. If I do, I am quickly reprimanded, and rightly so, by whomever I am sitting with at the island. My kids buy into this program for two reasons. First, I think they enjoy this small amount of the day being unplugged. Second, I think they very much enjoy having my or my husband’s undivided attention. Really, they should have that all the time. Sadly, given the times we live in, it doesn’t always happen.

There are some great upsides to creating a tech free zone in the home in addition to the obvious of quality time together. One of the greatest of these upsides is that it significantly reduces conflict around phones, ipads, etc. For my family, the kids just do not bring tech to the island. It is not something that needs to be reminded or argued about. Because we all abide by this rule all the time, it has become a way of life. It is so nice not to begin dinner with comments like ‘please stop texting’ or ‘put your phone away’. It is so nice not to hear the beeping and pinging of the various alerts from my kids phones. It is so nice to have conversation where my kids not only participate but where I actually get to see their beautiful faces vs. the tops of their heads as they look down at a phone.

Another upside is that kids start to get conditioned to the idea of tech free zones and associate it with the activity that happens in that space. For my kids, they associate meals, in general, as a time for conversation, not tech and it starts to move beyond the home. When we are at family parties, I sometimes hear the comment that a cousin was texting all through dinner. It is expressed with a sense of disappointment at the lost opportunity to hang out.

In the interest of full disclosure, my children are very normal teenagers with their phones. There are many times I find myself looking at the tops of their heads or feeling like I am in battle for their intention and the little rectangular box they are holding in their hands is winning the war. However, for 30 minutes a day, there is a cease fire in the war because the kitchen island is a neutral, or tech free zone.

When school let out in June, kids’ uniforms were tired looking and too small. Some friendships needed the break that summer provides. My teenagers were tired of the teachers, assignments, and tests. Frankly, I was tired of making lunches! Everyone was ready for summer break.

Summer flew by! Here we are at the brink of a new school year. There are lots of things about the start of the school year that don’t excite me: tight time schedules, making lunches, carpools, the stress of school, and the impending cold weather that will arrive before we know it.

On the bright side of things, I love the sense of new beginnings as kids start a new school year. There is a positive energy in the air. The school uniforms are crisp and new. Folders are organized. The kids are excited to see old friends, teachers, and in some ways, get back to a routine.

Over the last couple of weeks, there has been a surge in articles around bullying and cyber bullying and two of the stories have resonated with me. The first is the story of Gabby Douglas and the amount of cyber bullying she is facing as an Olympic athlete. She is being criticized for everything from her hair to not putting her hand on her heart during the National Anthem to being ‘salty’ when her teammates won individual medals.

Four years ago, Gabby won a gold medal for the 2012 Olympic All Around competition. We loved her. The late night shows loved her. She is a beautiful woman and an amazing athlete. Fast-forward four years. She had the guts to go for it again as a (gasp) 20-year-old. Gabby made the Olympic team, which, by the way, is the most competitive team in history. She went out there and competed at the highest level and did well. However, in her mind, probably not as well as she wanted or hoped. Of course she wanted to defend her all-around championship!

I’m sure she is experiencing a certain amount of disappointment. She has dedicated her life to being the best. And now there are a couple of other women who are better. Does this give anyone the right to go online, call her a hater, create the hashtag #crabbygabby, and criticize her hair and looks? At one point, Gabby was found in a corner of an Olympic venue in tears over the online negativity that she was experiencing. Is this what it means to be living the Olympic dream?

The second story is about a 13-year-old boy named Danny Fitzgerald, from Staten Island, NY. Earlier this month, his sister found him, dead, after he hung himself with a belt. In his two-page suicide note, he said that he just “gave up” after being bullied mercilessly at school. Even teachers, it seemed to him, would not help or protect him. Obviously all deaths of children are tragic and beyond sad. But when a 13-year-old little boy takes his own life, it seems particularly tragic. It is hard to imagine the pain that Danny had endured that would lead to him giving up.

While both of these stories sadden me, I see opportunity within them. With the start of school, I see an opportunity to talk to my kids about these stories. Kids are excited right now. They are in a mindset of new beginnings, of starting fresh. Maybe they are starting a new school or entering a class without some of their close friends. The timing is right to reengage on the topic of cyber bullying. Last June, like the school uniforms, the kids were tired of the messages. Hopefully, there has been a bit of a recharge and we can restart the dialog on this topic. This time of year, they are open to doing things differently.

One of the best ways to kick off these conversations is with real life stories that kids can relate to and have an interest. Many kids have followed the Olympics and know who Gabby Douglas is. This is a chance to take a relatable story and share it with them. Ask them how they would feel if they were in Gabby’s shoes. Talk to them about how easy it is to go along with a crowd that’s being mean, and how they can choose to be a better person.

Or, show them this sweet picture of Danny Fitzgerald. Ask them what they might have done if they saw mean comments online, or heard people mistreating Danny. Could they have said something nice to Danny? Could they be an ‘upstander’ or a friend to Danny?

I had a conversation about the start of school with my daughter. Her birthday falls on the third day of school, and it is a tradition for friends to decorate lockers to celebrate one another’s birthdays. She is excited because the calendar works in her favor this year and she will be in school. Last year, her birthday fell on the very first day and the locker decorating didn’t happen.

I asked my daughter who decorates the locker, and she named a few of her close friends. I then asked her if there were any girls who have not had their locker decorated. She named one girl and said that she really didn’t have too many friends.

We talked about the possibility of decorating her locker and how that might make her feel. My daughter is thinking it might be a nice thing to do. It was a successful conversation that I believe was based on the timing. There is excitement in the air. There is a sense of openness and a willingness to try some new things socially. Seize this time of the year to talk about kindness both online and face to face. Summer is coming to a close and it is time to start those conversations going again!

It is an understatement to say that Pokemon Go is popular. It is off the charts crazy! My children are regularly exiting the house saying “Going to find some Pokemon. Be back soon.” Additionally, I have received numerous texts and emails asking things like “What is Pokemon Go?” “Is Pokemon Go safe for my kids?” and “What should I be concerned about with Pokemon Go?” All great questions. So here is a quick tutorial for you.

What is Pokemon Go?

Pokemon Go is a free-to-play location-based augmented reality mobile game developed by Niantic. It was released worldwide on July 6, 2016 for both iOS and Android devices. Augmented reality means a view of reality is modified by the computer. When someone is looking for a character in Pokemon Go, he views his surroundings via the device’s camera, the reality, and imposes a digital image of a Pokemon character into the reality. The user can then capture the character by launching the Pokeball at the character. According to Survey Monkey, this is the ‘biggest mobile game in US history’.

What are the upsides of Pokemon Go?

Like most apps, there are some great benefits to this widely popular game.

1. It gets kids outside and moving. Before I realized what was happening, my 17 year old son kept leaving the house in 15 minute increments. I asked him what he was doing, and he would tell me that he was going for a walk. The child has never voluntarily gone for a walk! I was immediately suspicious. My mind wandered to places that I did not want it to go. That same day, I noticed 2 boys outside my house on bikes, stopped on the sidewalk for about 2 minutes, staring at their phones. I asked my son what he thought about these two boys. He smiled and said that they were probably hunting for Pokemon! I laughed and he fessed up to his ‘walks’.
2. It gives kids another way to socialize. My sons have spent time with their friends hunting Pokemon. Clearly, there is trouble galore that 15 and 17 year olds can easily find on a boring summer night. Pokemon has given kids a purpose to hanging out together. Additionally, I see kids of different ages playing together. We have a 4 year old neighbor who comes to our door multiple times a day looking to play with my oldest son. The other day, my son took the neighbor out to find Pokemon! They were gone for over an hour in the neighborhood. It was a thing of beauty to see these two boys, who are 13 years apart, sharing an activity that brought them both an hour of entertainment and fun.
3. It’s free! During the summer, I feel like a human ATM machine. There is a lot of time to fill and so many things that kids want to do cost money. This is not only a free app to download from both the App Store and Google Play, but it is free for the kids to go out and explore. Depending on the age of the child, the child may hop on a bike, a scooter or simply walk the neighborhood to play.
4. Poke Stops can be educational. Poke Stops are places where players can collect valuable rewards. Poke Stops are placed in important areas connecting them to historic places or land marks. Take the opportunity to go with your Pokemon Trainer and teach them about the location.

What are the downsides of Pokemon Go?

1. It’s still a screen! Have we taken a few steps back in the battle to have conversation when doing simple things like riding in the car? I find myself asking my children to put the phone down and talk to me. The common response is “But Mom, I can catch some more Pokemon as we drive.” I know I am not alone in this increased addiction to technology and social media. A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook, when speaking of his son: “His nose is in the phone continuously with Pokemon Go!” The question remains, do we wave the screen limits because the game is getting them out of the house, moving, and being social or do we recognize that kids have found another addictive online game?
2. Predators go where kids are hanging out. There are a lot of kids roaming neighborhoods looking for Pokemon. Most are completely absorbed in the game and aren’t paying attention to their surroundings. As they congregate in common areas, they may feel a false sense of camaraderie with strangers they meet who are also ‘hunting Pokemon’.  Additionally, people can place a lure in a real-life location. The lure will attract Pokemon to a specific location and will be in effect at that location for 30 minutes. Predators use lures to make a specific more attractive to kids hunting for Pokemon. Talk to your kids about strangers, the people they meet while playing, and then take the time to go with them on the hunt.
3. Like most online games, there are In-App purchases available. As described by pokemongo.com, players can ‘enhance their Pokemon GO experience’ by purchasing certain items and features. Make sure that you have In-App purchases disabled on your child’s device.
4. Be aware of data usage and battery drain when playing. Depending on what part of the game is being used, data usage can range from 2MB to 8MB of use per hour. This usage can be reduced if your Pokemon Trainer, i.e. your child, plays in areas that have Wi-Fi. Also, make sure that the apps and updates to the app are only downloaded when the device is on Wi-Fi. Similarly, the game can quickly drain the device’s battery. There is a battery saver mode that can be enabled. Open up the Pokemon Go app, and then tap on the “Setting” button on the top-right corner of the screen. Scroll down the menu until you see ‘Battery Saver’. Tap it to select it (a tick will appear), and then you can turn your phone upside down, which will dim the screen. This will save precious battery life. Turning off sound effects, music and vibration will also help keep the battery from draining too fast.

Most importantly, take time to talk to your children about both the fun things they can do with Pokemon Go as well as the things that they should be aware of as they enjoy the app. I went on one of my son’s ‘walks’ with him and asked him to show me how the app works. He was happy to have me go with him and loved showing me how it works. The obsession with it is enough to drive me crazy at times, but I also look at it as an opportunity to get involved with my kids and spend some time with them doing something they are enjoying.

“I don’t know how to use Instagram or Snapchat.”

When parents watch, teens take notice. One out of three teens would change their online behavior if they knew a parent was watching. So the question is…Do you know how and what to watch? Are you staying ahead or even just keeping up with your child when it comes to technology and social media?

The first step to being involved in your child’s online life is to learn how to navigate the apps they are using. Please join me on Thursday, May 12th for a hands-on workshop on Internet and smartphone safety with a focus on privacy settings and social media networks. Forward the invite to a friend! Or better yet, bring the parent of your child’s friend! Get on the same page. 

Come with Snapchat and Intagram loaded on your device and an account set up. We will walk through how to navigate these popular apps. You will send your first snap! You will post your first Instagram pic!

Specifically, we will cover:

– Instagram and Snapchat hand- on demo, including how to set privacy settings

– Restrictions and privacy settings for smartphones

– iPhones, iPads, and iTouch restrictions

– What social media sites are OK and which ones are not

– Smartphone monitoring programs including Teensafe for iPhones

I hope you can join me!  Space is limited!

Details:

Date: May 12th

Time: 10:00 am

Location:  Glen Oak Country Club, Glen Ellyn, IL

Cost: $35

Please RSVP @ Liz@box5184.temp.domains by Friday, May 6th.

***Space is limited.  Please sign up as soon as possible!