5 Ways to Keep Kids Safe When Gifting Technology

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Hopefully, you are putting the finishing touches on your holiday gifts and are ready to enjoy the beauty of the season. Maybe you are anticipating the squeal of your daughter’s joy as she opens up the gadget that has been on the top of her list for months! Maybe you are anticipating the days of peace after the holiday when the constant begging and badgering for the latest technology will gleefully be absent from your life!

You may also be feeling a little anxious about the world of smartphones, iPads, or gaming platforms that you are about to enter. It can feel like opening Pandora’s black box for many parents. You are entering the world of constant Internet connectivity and the risks that come with this. Or maybe you are dreading the impending battles over screen time, getting your child to look up from a device, not bringing a phone to the dinner table, or to stop the constant texting.

The good and the bad. The yin and the yang. There is always a price to pay for enjoyment. Nothing is free. The question becomes ‘how high a price do you want to pay for your child’s euphoria?’ The answer is up to you. Here are 5 things to consider before you put the bow on the box and give the gift of technology.

  1. Your negotiating power is on the front end. Parents are in the strongest position to set rules and boundaries BEFORE they give their child a device. Talk through rules, limits, and plans before you give the gift. This is the point at which you will have the strongest voice in the conversation. If your child is resistant to the terms and conditions, then hold back on giving the technology. It is extremely difficult to attempt to impose rules once they have the technology in hand. You have forfeited much of your negotiating power. It is not impossible to put rules in place, but it is much easier on the front end.
  2. Create a digital road map for your family. Creating a Digital Road Map is an article that I previously published which explains how to create a plan that lays out what, how, and when technology will be rolled out in your home. In conjunction with #1, this is best done before you allow access to phones, apps, iPads, Xbox, etc. Make your decisions up front and have a plan with policies in place that are clearly communicated to your child. Also consider building in tech free time with your family and tech free space in your home.  And if possible, ask your child or children to help you develop the digital road map. The more bought into the plan they are, the less resistance you will receive from them and the easier it will be to carry through with it.
  3. Set parental controls on devices. Everyday parental control settings get better and better on the technology that kids are using. Take the time to investigate what is available on the particular device. On iPads, iTouches, and iPhones, there are many settings that can be engaged through the Screen Time settings to increase safety. Gaming consoles, like Xbox One, also allow the ability to set time limits, filter games, tv, and movies, and limit access to Xbox Live.
  4. Consider using 3rd party monitoring software. You will need to determine what the primary objective is of the monitoring software. There are many options when looking at monitoring software. After you figure out what you want to monitor, then you can look at the various options that meet your objective. Here are some examples
    • If your child has a new iPad, you may be looking for a way to filter content, set screen time limits and establish a ‘bed time’ for the device. In conjunction with the Screen Time settings on the iPad, you can also use a product like Circle with Disney that works through your Wi-Fi connection in your home.
    • If your child is receiving a smart phone, she will now be able to access the internet through data instead of home wifi. You may want have access to things like texts, phone calls, apps that are installed, time limits and location. Try using Bark. This software works with iPhones and Android phones, although they have different functionality depending on which it is. Bark also has a free one-week trial and the ability to monitor multiple devices under one account.
  5. Engage in conversation and be involved in your child’s online life. Monitoring does not replace parenting! This is the most important part to increasing your child’s online safety. While your 12 year old may have the knowledge of how to open up the box and have that device connected and running in minutes, your child does not have the knowledge or experience to navigate online threats or how to demonstrate solid digital citizenship qualities online. Parents need to develop an ongoing conversation about these topics. In order to have quality conversations with your child, you need to build your technology credibility:
    • Understand how the technology works
    • Stay current on what is trending with your child and friends
    • Be proactive in your conversations
    • Ask your child questions about likes and dislikes around technology, apps, etc. and listen to the answers

If you can do some or all these things, your pain will likely be reduced over the long term, and most importantly, your child’s online vulnerability will be reduced. Being safe and appropriate online with rules and limitations to technology will not limit your child’s opportunity to enjoy the device. Good luck!

Helping Teens Process Online News During Pandemic

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A week ago, I found myself constantly reading news articles about the coronavirus, the economy, the shutdown of the state and the multitude of other stories related to our current pandemic. As a 52-year-old, I can very honestly say that my generation has never experienced a set of circumstances such as these. My anxiety was rising with every click of my mouse and every word that came across my screen.

I could find stories anywhere and anytime from my personal emails, 3-6 emails per day from the Washington Post or New York Times, to the social media posts to even my favorite ESPN app. Everything and everywhere had something to say related to this world-altering virus.

I realized that as I consumed more media regardless of quality of the content, my anxiety was on a continuous climb higher and higher. I made a decision to limit my consumption to reading updates from 1-2 respectable, journalistic organizations twice a day. I also limited my use of social media to a few times a day. I am working to find that balance between being a well-informed and educated citizen and an anxiety-ridden crazy person.

This realization got me thinking about my children. I wonder how much they are reading about these events. Are they following the exponentially increasing numbers of sick people? Do they read the same posts of people’s descriptions of actually having COVID-19? Do they see Tik Tok after Tik Tok of teens partying on beaches and wonder why they are forced to stay home?

I wonder where they are getting their information. Are they credible sources or are they sensationalized social media posts looking to accumulate clicks? Are they getting the right information or are they simply viewing memes that bring humor, irony, and satire to the situation?

Finally, I wonder, how are they processing the information they are consuming? Are they stressed or anxious? Do they understand the real purpose and goal of social distancing (that answer is generally no)? Do they have questions or is there an opportunity for a productive discussion?

Take a minute to think back to when you were a kid and a world altering event happened. What comes to mind? For me, it was the assassination attempt of Ronald Reagan on March 30, 1981 and the explosion of the space shuttle, Challenger, on January 28, 1986. As reports of both events unfolded, I watched the news on the TV, in my family room, with my parents. My parents could see exactly what information I was consuming, how I was processing it, and whether I was feeling anxious as a result. Naturally, there was conversation as we all processed the tragedies.

Fast forward to today. Consider this from a recent study by Common Sense Media:

  • 54% of teens get news from social media
  • 50% get news from YouTube
  • 41% get news reported by news organizations either in print or online

Common Sense Media source

These statistics suggest two things. First, teens are consuming media related to world and life changing events from their devices They are often alone and isolated in bedrooms or sitting on the living room couch, but without us knowing what they are reading.

Second, as a parent, I realize that I have no idea what, who and how:

  • What are they consuming? Text? Video?
  • Who is producing the content? Is it a credible source? What is the bias (all sources have a bias) of the source?
  • How are they reacting? Is the information building knowledge that creates comfort? Do they understand the issues?

The reality is that we are all on our phones a lot, especially now. Consider these suggestions to help our teens better understand this situation and manage fear and anxiety:

  1. Watch a news segment together. Or suggest that they watch something that you have watched. Ask some open-ended questions about it. The goal is to open dialogue.
  2. Test their understanding. Do not assume that they understand the facts around key issues. For example, I asked one of my teens if he understood why we are social distancing. The answer he gave was “so I don’t get sick”. Well…not exactly. As of a week ago, my college kid did not know about the importance of “flattening the curve” nor the impending breakdown of healthcare if we cannot slow the progression.
  3. Listen. Listen. Listen! Validate. Validate. Validate! Let them talk and articulate their thoughts. Right or wrong, give them a safe place to begin a dialogue. Their worlds have stopped, paused, and they’ve lost many opportunities. They are uncertain of when school will resume, when they can see friends, who will get sick, will someone they know die. These are TOUGH issues for all of us. They are new and uncharted, but teens struggle to identify the fear that comes with it. Give them that space with you.
  4. Create some tech-free time. Pick an hour a day or every other day. Ask everyone in the house to put tech down for that time period. Consider how much time is spent on devices right now with distanced learning, virtual meetups, and social media. We can all use an hour or so to unplug.

Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay strong.

Liz

The New Year’s Resolution of a 20 Year-Old: Limit Social Media

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We have been looking for someone “in the trenches” to provide some thoughts on what it is truly like to grow up in this hyper digital age. Thank you to Jacob Kelleher, who is our guest blogger, and wrote this insightful article regarding his struggles around his social media use. We wish Jacob great luck in his efforts to be mindful in this new year and hope he will keep us updated on the progress and results of his resolution.

What’s my 2020 New Year’s resolution you ask? The answer is simple: I want to reduce my social media and screen time. Let me guess. You think I am a 40 some-year-old man who is going to explain to you why the young kids of this new, crazy generation should follow in my wise footsteps and reduce their screen time. Would it surprise you to find out I am only 20? Yes, that’s right. I am a 20-year-old kid who, of my own volition, is choosing to put down my iPhone and log out of my social media. At risk of being shunned by my peers, I want to share a little bit about how and why I came to hold a position that is so seemingly radical for someone of my age.

It all started in the last three months (or so) of 2019. I found myself engaging in behaviors and habits that I was beginning to realize were not all that healthy with regard to screen time. I found myself scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or Snapchat mindlessly, and I mean that in the most literal sense. I would scroll through my newsfeed on a platform, exit out because I got bored, and almost immediately reopen the app and start scrolling again. Even though I had just decided I was bored, I found myself going back just to scroll. I also found myself having an actual reflex to take out my phone and scroll through social media. If there was a lull in conversation or I wasn’t 100% engaged in conversation, I would open up a social media account just to scroll without even thinking about it. I even began noticing moments where my friends and I would be sitting in silence, all looking at social media on our phones. It was becoming clear to me that these accounts and my phone were becoming a crutch for me to avoid idle time or even social interaction. That was not ok with me.

So in response, I decided to make this idea of less screen time my New Year’s resolution. We all know how easy it is to drop a New Year’s resolution. In fact, recent research shows 88% of people fail to stick to a New year’s resolution. In the hopes of not becoming part of that statistic, I have laid out goals for myself as well as plans for how to achieve them.

My goals are to not use social media for more than two hours each day, not to use social media while spending time with friends or family, and not to use social media just because there is nothing else to do. I think that three specific goals are an appropriately challenging, yet an appropriately attainable amount to aspire for, and I think each one will uniquely help me reduce the problematic habits I have developed over the last few years.

As for the how, the easiest strategy is screen time restrictions. The new iOS software for iPhones allows users to create a list of apps and a time limit. My phone will then lock me out when the combined amount of screen time spent on all those applications in one day reaches the limit. I have made a 2-hour time limit for Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and TikTok. This will force me to only use the applications when I think it is worth my time. For if I don’t, I may get locked out early in the day and be unable to use social media later in the day.

As a second strategy, I’ve also decided to stop charging my phone right next to my bed each night. By putting it out of reach, it prevents social media from being the last thing I see before bed and the first thing I see when I wake up.

The last strategy is the hardest: self-monitoring. It’s on me to continue to be reflective and notice when I am using my phone. If I want to use it less with friends and less in general, I need to be able to notice when I am failing at that goal and put my phone down.

In the end, I am 20 years old. Like many of my peers I love social media and I think (perhaps somewhat naively) the positives vastly outweigh the negatives. However, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. I am hopeful that as technology and development continue to accelerate my peers and the next generations can join me in capitalizing on the benefits of social media while also keeping a watchful eye out to prevent it from taking over our lives.

Jacob Kelleher is a 20 year-old junior at Boston College. He is currently double majoring in Secondary Education and Mathematics and minoring in Educational Theatre. He also is an avid participant in the Boston College Theatre Department and has worked professionally in Chicago as a Stage Manager. He hopes to one day be a high school theatre teacher.

 

Social Media Posts Gone Bad: The Consequences

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Can a pro athlete lose his multimillion-dollar job for what he said online? Just ask Jermaine Whitehead, NFL Cleveland Brown’s safety, who was fired Monday for his “unacceptable and highly inappropriate” twitter posts made after a rough game the previous day.

Can a high school student be arrested for “joking around” about having a school staff member killed via Instagram? Just ask Nicholas Godfrey, a student at Fivay High School, who was arrested last week and charged with 1st degree attempt to solicit murder.

Permanency and lack of privacy are two of the most important concepts kids need to understand about the Internet, specifically the use of social media. EVERYTHING is permanent. NOTHING is private. Educators and parents can attempt to explain this all day. However, the most effective teaching tools, in my opinion, are the real-life stories, experiences, and mistakes of others.

More and more frequently, we are seeing an increasing intolerance to questionable, online posts. This year, in the NFL, more than one player has been released from a multimillion-dollar contract (i.e. being fired), in part, for how they voiced their displeasure with their employers, teammates, and fans via social media. The intolerable act isn’t always the same; it may be the message being communicated and/or the specific words that they chose to use. The message the Cleveland Browns delivered to Jermaine Whitehead was his vulgar and attacking tweets will not be tolerated. If you embarrass and humiliate your employer, whether it be an NFL team or simply Panera, through your use of social media, you will suffer the consequences. A Panera employee’s post on TikTok, where she indicates the company uses frozen, bagged mac and cheese instead of fresh, has been viewed more than 10 million times on Twitter. She, like Jermaine Whitehead, was released from her job for her public comments.

Similarly, Nicholas Godfrey illustrates the seriousness of social media posts. There is no “just joking” out clause, especially when it comes to threats of school violence. Sheriff Chris Nocco said “It doesn’t matter if someone says I was joking, it doesn’t matter what their intent is. When you do it, when you post it out there on social media, you’ve committed that crime”.

My hope is that you share these articles and videos with your kids. My experience with teaching students is examples of real-life people are very impactful. It also provides a safe, non-threatening platform to have discussion about concepts of permanency and privacy online. Some questions you could pose to start a conversation are:

  • Do you think it is fair that these people got fired for tweets and posts they made?
  • Does it matter if you use a private account?
  • Should the student have been arrested for joking about shooting a staff person?
  • Will these posts affect them in the future, like finding another job or getting into college?

Let your kids talk. Listen. Hold your tongue. You may not agree with the answers you hear and that is ok. Simply processing their thoughts and articulating their answers is an important part of the process to understanding these concepts and internalizing them to their own online actions.                 

TikTok Safety: What You Need to Know

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As fall rolls in and the school year is in full swing, the same question is being posed repeatedly from parents: What is TikTok? And the natural follow-up question: Why are kids crazy over this?

Let’s start with the first question. The simple answer is TikTok is an app for creating short videos and sharing them, just like any other social media platform.  However, unlike other social media platforms, the short, 15-second videos replay in a continuous loop and demonstrate entertaining lip-sync, dance, and comedy.  Accounts can be public (sharing with any other user on the platform) or private (sharing only with approved friends on the platform).

Where did TikTok come from?

Does this app sound oddly familiar? It might, as it was originally known as Musical.ly which also became very popular with kids anywhere from 8-18 years old. TikTok was originally created by a Chinese company, ByteDance, and was not available in the United States. In November 2017, ByteDance purchased Musical.ly, and in August 2018, they shut down Musical.ly and merged it into TikTok. Essentially, TikTok is a more robust version of Musical.ly with a far larger, worldwide audience.

How popular is TikTok?

It is widely popular! Here are a few statistics for you:

  • TikTok has 500 million active users worldwide. As a point of comparison, Snapchat has 190 million active users.
  • In September 2019, TikTok became the #1 free non-gaming iOS app in the US.
  • TikTok is the topmost downloaded app in the App Store.
  • More than 1 billion videos are viewed every day.
  • 56% of TikTok users are male compared to 44% female.
  • The average time spent on the site is 52 minutes per day creating, viewing and sharing videos.

What do I need to know about TikTok to keep my child safe?

Quite honestly, the concerns around TikTok are like other social media apps: privacy, content, and connection to other users on the app. Here are some things to consider:

  • Accounts automatically default to public when they are created. Make sure that your child’s account is set to private and periodically double check that your child has not switched back to public. Many kids want to connect to as many people as possible and will change the setting back to public.
  • The app has an age restriction of 13 years. This essentially means that the app is not safe nor appropriate for younger users. While many children just want to create the videos, remember that they can search and view any public videos. There is content on the site that is highly inappropriate for younger kids. If your child is using this, consider using it with them so you can see the content that is being viewed.
  • Direct messaging is available on TikTok. This allows users to communicate with each other within the app itself. Many parents, as a safety measure, periodically check their children’s text messages in an effort to know who they are communicating with and fail to realize that most social media apps have direct messaging features that performs the same function as texting. The main difference is that no phone number is needed. So, any user on TikTok can communicate with friends or strangers on the platform, through the direct messaging feature. Again, privacy settings are important to consider with direct messaging

Kids are finding TikTok to be wildly entertaining, and it provides an excellent space for creativity and connection with others when used safely and appropriately. If you are still wondering what the attraction is and how to interact with your child, you are not alone. Take 2 minutes to view this lovely video created by Reese Witherspoon who asks these same questions to her 15-year-old son.

Is Social Media Creating Stress and Anxiety for Teens?

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Is social media responsible for an increase in teen depression and anxiety? According US News and World Reports, the number of youths with mental health disorders has nearly doubled in the last decade. Many people point directly to the increase in technology in teens lives. It is inarguable that the amount of screen time in the form of social media, gaming, and texting has exponentially increased for all of us in the last decade and especially in the lives of teens. But does this increase result in more anxiety, depression, etc.? The reality is there are articles and research that support both sides of this argument.

Research aside, here is my reality. My 15-year-old daughter is an avid, typical teen user of social media. I feel like she spent most of her summer doing what I refer to as “mindlessly scrolling” through Instagram, Reddit, and Vsco. I held my opinion to myself when I often wanted to exclaim “How has anything possibly changed on Instagram since you last looked at your feed 3 minutes ago?” I knew that this was not a productive question.

One evening I was sitting with her on the front porch and out of the blue and unprompted she says, “My phone is driving me crazy.” I was surprised and very curious where this conversation was going. My instinct told me less is more and to hold my own words tight: let her talk. So, I responded with a simple “Really?”. She then added “Well, it isn’t really my phone. It is Instagram. It is stressing me out! I feel so much pressure to like people’s post and make the right comments. It is hard to keep up.”  This is a teenager that doesn’t often open up like this. So, I knew it must be causing her some real anxiety.

As a mother, I wanted to tell her to put her phone down, stop mindlessly scrolling, Instagram is dumb, and none of it matters. But these were not effective responses to her feelings nor were they solutions that she would embrace. More importantly, I knew those comments were conversation enders, and I wanted to keep this dialog going. I wanted to build her awareness of her social media use and how it makes her feel. If she could identify which part of her use of social media caused her anxiety, then she could possibly develop her own changes to her behavior. This might create more impactful and long-lasting solutions.

Here are the 3 ways that were effective in building her awareness and driving towards her solutions:

  1. I asked questions. I kept the questions simple, and most importantly, I tried to express absolutely no judgement. The goal of the questions was to get her to think and reflect on her use. I asked things like “How do you feel?”, “What would happen if you didn’t keep up?”, “How would your life be affected if you didn’t comment?”
  2. I listened more than I talked. At the age of 15-years-old, she is starting to resist my lectures more than she did a few years ago. Her opinions and knowledge of her world is expanding, and her independence is growing. By listening, she was allowed the space to figure it out herself. Certainly, I interjected some opinions and suggestions, but I kept them very short and simple.
  3. I asked her to come up with 2 or 3 changes to how she uses social media that might reduce her anxiety. Yes, I had about 100 changes I could have suggested or demanded she make, but this was not productive nor sustaining. By the end of the conversation, she had a few things she wanted to work on.

We can read articles and research findings all day, but our own children are living the reality of being tremendously connected to the digital world. That is not changing anytime soon. The goal is to provide a safe, non-threatening place where they can examine, question, and explore their feelings around their own use of technology. Our children are smart, actually smarter than we realize. By providing them empathy, mentoring, and a space to explore, I am hopeful many of them will begin to adapt their digital habits in healthy ways.

Managing Kids and Technology Over Summer – CSC on The Morning Blend Milwaukee

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Cyber Safety Consulting’s Liz Repking appeared on Milwaukee’s Morning Blend to talk about the balance between unstructured summer break time and the use of technology. See the segment here: Managing kids and tech over summer. Here are some suggestions offered to ease the pain and confrontation around kids’ increased screen time:

  • Reset the limits and boundaries around tech use. This is a good time to bring out that tech contract or even work with your child to create one for the summer. Talk about time limits, down time, apps, and of course, the appropriate use of tech.
  • Encourage your child to use technology in more productive ways than just scrolling through Instagram posts. Create a blog on a topic that they are interested in or create a website for fun. My daughter created a website for baking gluten and dairy free desserts. She loves baking and this combines her interests and the use of technology in constructive ways. Check out her site here.
  • Have your child make a list of non tech things he or she enjoys doing…reading, going to the pool, riding a bike. Sometimes the mere act of reminding ourselves what we enjoy not involving a screen can motivate us to put the device down and engage in some long, lost, fun activities. I once heard my son say, after the encouragement to find a non tech activity, “I forgot how much I like to read!”
  • Use technology with your child. Find a game that you can play together or create a summer bucket list of things to do and research it online.
  • See a movie or read a book together that centers around issues kids are dealing with online. Here is a long list of Young Adult books: Internet novels.
  • And like always, be involved and stay current on trends, news, apps, games and websites. Check out this article on Instagram’s new antibullying efforts.

Most importantly, find some non tech time this summer to spend as a family. It could be as simple as going for a walk together and talking or picking a day a week to go ‘tech free’ for the entire family. Decide together how to use non tech time and talk about it.

We hope you enjoy your summer!

New Updates to Instagram: Working to Reduce Cyberbullying

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Fingers are crossed, I hope this works! It is great to read that one of, if not, the leading social media platforms for kids is doing something to reduce the amount of online, cruel behavior that occurs. Instagram posts, comments, and DM’s have served as a too easy and convenient way for kids to bully. Now Instagram will use AI (artificial intelligence) to prompt users to reconsider the action before it is posted.

Is Instagram invoking the concept of “Pause B4 U Post”? This is one of the main objectives of our CASE (Cyber Awareness & Safety Education) curricula we use in schools across the country. The goal is to educate students to self monitor and self protect online. One main tenent of the curricula is to Pause B4 U Post; to think through your actions before that enter or post button is invoked. We suggest students consider one or more of the following questions during that pause:

  • What would happen if my mom or grandma saw this?
  • How will the other person feel when he or she sees this?
  • What story does this tell about me?

It does not matter what the question is as long as the students pause and think. Many students report back to us that when they slow down, pause and consider the consequences of the online post, they often change it, select different words, or skip the post all together.

Instagram is implementing a new feature to curb bullying on the site. AI is being used to flag comments that appear to be offensive or hurtful. It prompts the user with the question “Are you sure you want to post this?” The user then has the option to modify the post or remove it. The decision ultimately lies with the user.

This is a great opportunity to have a conversation with your children on the subject of social media, digital drama, and appropriate online behavior. Print out an article on the new functionality on Instagram, this one or one of the many others you find online. Ask their opinions on how they feel about what Instagram is adding. Listen to how they feel about it and if they think it will help. Kids have experiences and thoughts on what is happening not just on Instagram but all social media and this is an opportunity to hear them. After all, this is their virtual playground and they spend a lot of time there, as we all know.

Kids: Addicted to Smartphones – Let’s Do Something About It!

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Raise your hand if you are concerned about how much time your teen spends on their smartphone. My guess is that if you have a teen (or preteen), your hand went up. So what do we, as parents, do about it, and where can we turn for help?

Is there a social responsibility on the part of technology companies to study what this is doing to the mental health of our youth? To go beyond studying it, but to provide parents with education and tools they need to help kids when they are unable to help themselves?

At least one group recently asked and answered this question with a resounding “YES.” In an open letter to Apple, Inc., a group of shareholders who jointly own $2 billion in Apple stock, have called on Apple to take the lead in paying special attention to the health and development of our next generation. After all, they are the leaders. Apple has provided devices that keep our kids connected, informed, entertained, enthralled and some say addicted, to online information and social media.

The open letter points to research that shows troubling trends. Teachers report that students are more distracted, their ability to focus has decreased and the number of students with social challenges has increased. Additionally, as the time spent on electronic devices increases, the risk of depression, sleep deprivation and the risk factor for suicide also increases.

No one is denying the many benefits and advantages of this connectivity and even the benefits of social media. Nor can we, or the big contributors to this industry, deny the pitfalls and potential damaging effects that are present.

Have parents just surrendered, throwing their hands up in frustration? “Technology! Social media! I just don’t get it!” We, as parents, do bear some responsibility.

  • We need to be involved with our kids.
  • We need to watch what they are doing online and where they are.
  • We need to set good examples through our own use of technology and social media.
  • We need to ask questions, even the tough ones, when we see something on the phones or social media accounts that we deem questionable.
  • We need to ask questions about who or what they are following online, or who is following them.

But we need help. So we turn to Apple, and the other big players in this field, and ask for assistance. Help us. Provide us the tools, in a centralized location, to monitor and limit our kids’ use of their devices. Help us explain to them the potential negative effects of staring at their phones for hours on end, day after day after day.

Key findings from a Common Sense Media survey of parents and teens include:

  • Addiction: One out of every two teens feels addicted to his or her device, and the majority of parents feel that their kids are addicted.
  • Frequency: 72% of teens and 48% of parents feel the need to immediately respond to texts, social-networking messages, and other notifications; 69% of parents and 78% of teens check their devices at least hourly.
  • Distraction: 77% of parents feel their children get distracted by their devices and don’t pay attention when they’re together at least a few times per week.
  • Conflict: 36% of parents and 32% of teens say they argue with each other on a daily basis about device use.
  • Risky behavior: 56% of parents admit they check their mobile devices while driving; 51% of teens see their parents checking/using their mobile devices when driving.

Technology companies have helped to provide a way to open our kids’ minds and their worlds to different cultures, music from spanning generations, the ability to communicate with kids their age across the globe, to stay in touch with relatives, to access a recipe at the touch of a few buttons, to showcase their talents and many other educational and social benefits, and for that we say “thank you.”

Kids are smart, smarter than ever these days.  They know what they want and need.  They just don’t always know how to get there. So, we ask the technology companies, yes, Apple, we start with asking you, to commit resources to this end. Help us to help the next generation of thinkers, innovators, creative and brilliant minds, the generation that believes they can do anything, to help provide the tools we need to help them reach their full potential.

Should Parents Be Concerned about 13 Reasons Why?

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Rewind to spring 2017…13 Reasons Why was all the rage in both middle and high schools, especially among girls. The hottest questions on the table for parents were “Should I allow my child to watch this?” Or even more basic, “What is this show I keep hearing about?” School administers were facing the same questions and dealing with the students’ discussions in the classrooms and hallways. This Netflix series, produced by Selena Gomez, was the buzz!

13 Reasons Why is the story of Hannah Baker, a high school teen who commits suicide, leaving behind audio tapes identifying 13 people or reasons for killing herself. The series deals with topics such as sexual assault, substance abuse, bullying, and obviously, suicide.

I wanted to watch if for myself, both as a professional working with students and parents and as a parent of a, then, 12 year old girl. I was receiving emails and calls daily from parents, administrators, and teachers. I found the entire series difficult to watch. It was uncomfortable. It was depressing. It was sad. I started. I stopped. I went back. I was relieved when I finished the final episode. The buzz seemed to die down as spring turned into summer.

I tried to answer the question being asked repeatedly, “Should I allow my child to watch this?” I considered it as a professional, but I could not factor out the mother in me. I kept thinking of my own 12 year old daughter, and my gut instinct said “NO”! Honestly, some of the scenes are graphic, including Hannah’s actual suicide, in episode 13, in a bathtub, slitting her wrists. It was haunting and I could not actually watch this scene. I could not see any upside to my own daughter watching a suicide, fictional or not.

Fast forward to spring 2018…13 Reasons Why, Season 2 arrived in my Netflix queue. My heart sank. What more is there to depict? Suicide, rape, alcohol, drugs…they covered them all in Season 1, pretty thoroughly. The first episode starts out with this message from the cast encouraging people who feel troubled or in danger to get help, talk about it, or not watch the show. Frankly, most people watching, will fast forward right through this.

Is a show that addresses such mature and difficult topics appropriate for middle school students? Some argue it raises awareness on these topics that are relevant in our current environment. Others argue that younger teens, some who haven’t even hit puberty yet, cannot comprehend the magnitude of these subjects. One middle school teacher wrote this:

My stomach turns and drops multiple times a day, every single day without fail, listening to my students talk so casually about suicide in reference to this Netflix show. “I would have done it like this”, “she should have done it this way” “you are one of my 13 reasons why (this one was a new one today and directed at me “as a joke”)”, “I’m going home and recording my tapes after school”, “go and pull a Hannah.” Each statement is followed by laughter.

I keep coming back to the question “Should I allow my child to watch this?” This is a personal, parenting decision. My suggestion in finding your own answer to this question, like all things, is to take the time to educate yourself first. Then make an informed decision. Parents need to consider the pros and cons of this complex subject matter along with the maturity of the child.

  • Watch a few episodes for yourself
  • Do some research. Read things like this CNN article. Read reviews on  reputable sites like Common Sense Media.
  • Talk to other parents. A group consensus among the parents’ of your child’s friends can be very powerful.
  • Ask your child what he or she knows about the show. I guarantee that they know about it and have some opinions to offer.

If you ultimately decide it is appropriate for your child to view, view it with him or her. It might present some great opportunities for valuable discussion and ongoing dialog on these critical topics. Try to do more listening than talking. And finally, talk about people who have overcome such struggles. Highlight ways to deal with things like depression and anxiety in real life. Pose hypothetical situations like “what would you do if your friend told you she was going to commit suicide?” Most importantly, provide some real life stories and examples like these in this campaign by the Houston County Board of Education.