TikTok Safety: What You Need to Know

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As fall rolls in and the school year is in full swing, the same question is being posed repeatedly from parents: What is TikTok? And the natural follow-up question: Why are kids crazy over this?

Let’s start with the first question. The simple answer is TikTok is an app for creating short videos and sharing them, just like any other social media platform.  However, unlike other social media platforms, the short, 15-second videos replay in a continuous loop and demonstrate entertaining lip-sync, dance, and comedy.  Accounts can be public (sharing with any other user on the platform) or private (sharing only with approved friends on the platform).

Where did TikTok come from?

Does this app sound oddly familiar? It might, as it was originally known as Musical.ly which also became very popular with kids anywhere from 8-18 years old. TikTok was originally created by a Chinese company, ByteDance, and was not available in the United States. In November 2017, ByteDance purchased Musical.ly, and in August 2018, they shut down Musical.ly and merged it into TikTok. Essentially, TikTok is a more robust version of Musical.ly with a far larger, worldwide audience.

How popular is TikTok?

It is widely popular! Here are a few statistics for you:

  • TikTok has 500 million active users worldwide. As a point of comparison, Snapchat has 190 million active users.
  • In September 2019, TikTok became the #1 free non-gaming iOS app in the US.
  • TikTok is the topmost downloaded app in the App Store.
  • More than 1 billion videos are viewed every day.
  • 56% of TikTok users are male compared to 44% female.
  • The average time spent on the site is 52 minutes per day creating, viewing and sharing videos.

What do I need to know about TikTok to keep my child safe?

Quite honestly, the concerns around TikTok are like other social media apps: privacy, content, and connection to other users on the app. Here are some things to consider:

  • Accounts automatically default to public when they are created. Make sure that your child’s account is set to private and periodically double check that your child has not switched back to public. Many kids want to connect to as many people as possible and will change the setting back to public.
  • The app has an age restriction of 13 years. This essentially means that the app is not safe nor appropriate for younger users. While many children just want to create the videos, remember that they can search and view any public videos. There is content on the site that is highly inappropriate for younger kids. If your child is using this, consider using it with them so you can see the content that is being viewed.
  • Direct messaging is available on TikTok. This allows users to communicate with each other within the app itself. Many parents, as a safety measure, periodically check their children’s text messages in an effort to know who they are communicating with and fail to realize that most social media apps have direct messaging features that performs the same function as texting. The main difference is that no phone number is needed. So, any user on TikTok can communicate with friends or strangers on the platform, through the direct messaging feature. Again, privacy settings are important to consider with direct messaging

Kids are finding TikTok to be wildly entertaining, and it provides an excellent space for creativity and connection with others when used safely and appropriately. If you are still wondering what the attraction is and how to interact with your child, you are not alone. Take 2 minutes to view this lovely video created by Reese Witherspoon who asks these same questions to her 15-year-old son.

Is Social Media Creating Stress and Anxiety for Teens?

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Is social media responsible for an increase in teen depression and anxiety? According US News and World Reports, the number of youths with mental health disorders has nearly doubled in the last decade. Many people point directly to the increase in technology in teens lives. It is inarguable that the amount of screen time in the form of social media, gaming, and texting has exponentially increased for all of us in the last decade and especially in the lives of teens. But does this increase result in more anxiety, depression, etc.? The reality is there are articles and research that support both sides of this argument.

Research aside, here is my reality. My 15-year-old daughter is an avid, typical teen user of social media. I feel like she spent most of her summer doing what I refer to as “mindlessly scrolling” through Instagram, Reddit, and Vsco. I held my opinion to myself when I often wanted to exclaim “How has anything possibly changed on Instagram since you last looked at your feed 3 minutes ago?” I knew that this was not a productive question.

One evening I was sitting with her on the front porch and out of the blue and unprompted she says, “My phone is driving me crazy.” I was surprised and very curious where this conversation was going. My instinct told me less is more and to hold my own words tight: let her talk. So, I responded with a simple “Really?”. She then added “Well, it isn’t really my phone. It is Instagram. It is stressing me out! I feel so much pressure to like people’s post and make the right comments. It is hard to keep up.”  This is a teenager that doesn’t often open up like this. So, I knew it must be causing her some real anxiety.

As a mother, I wanted to tell her to put her phone down, stop mindlessly scrolling, Instagram is dumb, and none of it matters. But these were not effective responses to her feelings nor were they solutions that she would embrace. More importantly, I knew those comments were conversation enders, and I wanted to keep this dialog going. I wanted to build her awareness of her social media use and how it makes her feel. If she could identify which part of her use of social media caused her anxiety, then she could possibly develop her own changes to her behavior. This might create more impactful and long-lasting solutions.

Here are the 3 ways that were effective in building her awareness and driving towards her solutions:

  1. I asked questions. I kept the questions simple, and most importantly, I tried to express absolutely no judgement. The goal of the questions was to get her to think and reflect on her use. I asked things like “How do you feel?”, “What would happen if you didn’t keep up?”, “How would your life be affected if you didn’t comment?”
  2. I listened more than I talked. At the age of 15-years-old, she is starting to resist my lectures more than she did a few years ago. Her opinions and knowledge of her world is expanding, and her independence is growing. By listening, she was allowed the space to figure it out herself. Certainly, I interjected some opinions and suggestions, but I kept them very short and simple.
  3. I asked her to come up with 2 or 3 changes to how she uses social media that might reduce her anxiety. Yes, I had about 100 changes I could have suggested or demanded she make, but this was not productive nor sustaining. By the end of the conversation, she had a few things she wanted to work on.

We can read articles and research findings all day, but our own children are living the reality of being tremendously connected to the digital world. That is not changing anytime soon. The goal is to provide a safe, non-threatening place where they can examine, question, and explore their feelings around their own use of technology. Our children are smart, actually smarter than we realize. By providing them empathy, mentoring, and a space to explore, I am hopeful many of them will begin to adapt their digital habits in healthy ways.

Managing Kids and Technology Over Summer – CSC on The Morning Blend Milwaukee

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Cyber Safety Consulting’s Liz Repking appeared on Milwaukee’s Morning Blend to talk about the balance between unstructured summer break time and the use of technology. See the segment here: Managing kids and tech over summer. Here are some suggestions offered to ease the pain and confrontation around kids’ increased screen time:

  • Reset the limits and boundaries around tech use. This is a good time to bring out that tech contract or even work with your child to create one for the summer. Talk about time limits, down time, apps, and of course, the appropriate use of tech.
  • Encourage your child to use technology in more productive ways than just scrolling through Instagram posts. Create a blog on a topic that they are interested in or create a website for fun. My daughter created a website for baking gluten and dairy free desserts. She loves baking and this combines her interests and the use of technology in constructive ways. Check out her site here.
  • Have your child make a list of non tech things he or she enjoys doing…reading, going to the pool, riding a bike. Sometimes the mere act of reminding ourselves what we enjoy not involving a screen can motivate us to put the device down and engage in some long, lost, fun activities. I once heard my son say, after the encouragement to find a non tech activity, “I forgot how much I like to read!”
  • Use technology with your child. Find a game that you can play together or create a summer bucket list of things to do and research it online.
  • See a movie or read a book together that centers around issues kids are dealing with online. Here is a long list of Young Adult books: Internet novels.
  • And like always, be involved and stay current on trends, news, apps, games and websites. Check out this article on Instagram’s new antibullying efforts.

Most importantly, find some non tech time this summer to spend as a family. It could be as simple as going for a walk together and talking or picking a day a week to go ‘tech free’ for the entire family. Decide together how to use non tech time and talk about it.

We hope you enjoy your summer!

New Updates to Instagram: Working to Reduce Cyberbullying

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Fingers are crossed, I hope this works! It is great to read that one of, if not, the leading social media platforms for kids is doing something to reduce the amount of online, cruel behavior that occurs. Instagram posts, comments, and DM’s have served as a too easy and convenient way for kids to bully. Now Instagram will use AI (artificial intelligence) to prompt users to reconsider the action before it is posted.

Is Instagram invoking the concept of “Pause B4 U Post”? This is one of the main objectives of our CASE (Cyber Awareness & Safety Education) curricula we use in schools across the country. The goal is to educate students to self monitor and self protect online. One main tenent of the curricula is to Pause B4 U Post; to think through your actions before that enter or post button is invoked. We suggest students consider one or more of the following questions during that pause:

  • What would happen if my mom or grandma saw this?
  • How will the other person feel when he or she sees this?
  • What story does this tell about me?

It does not matter what the question is as long as the students pause and think. Many students report back to us that when they slow down, pause and consider the consequences of the online post, they often change it, select different words, or skip the post all together.

Instagram is implementing a new feature to curb bullying on the site. AI is being used to flag comments that appear to be offensive or hurtful. It prompts the user with the question “Are you sure you want to post this?” The user then has the option to modify the post or remove it. The decision ultimately lies with the user.

This is a great opportunity to have a conversation with your children on the subject of social media, digital drama, and appropriate online behavior. Print out an article on the new functionality on Instagram, this one or one of the many others you find online. Ask their opinions on how they feel about what Instagram is adding. Listen to how they feel about it and if they think it will help. Kids have experiences and thoughts on what is happening not just on Instagram but all social media and this is an opportunity to hear them. After all, this is their virtual playground and they spend a lot of time there, as we all know.

Kids: Addicted to Smartphones – Let’s Do Something About It!

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Raise your hand if you are concerned about how much time your teen spends on their smartphone. My guess is that if you have a teen (or preteen), your hand went up. So what do we, as parents, do about it, and where can we turn for help?

Is there a social responsibility on the part of technology companies to study what this is doing to the mental health of our youth? To go beyond studying it, but to provide parents with education and tools they need to help kids when they are unable to help themselves?

At least one group recently asked and answered this question with a resounding “YES.” In an open letter to Apple, Inc., a group of shareholders who jointly own $2 billion in Apple stock, have called on Apple to take the lead in paying special attention to the health and development of our next generation. After all, they are the leaders. Apple has provided devices that keep our kids connected, informed, entertained, enthralled and some say addicted, to online information and social media.

The open letter points to research that shows troubling trends. Teachers report that students are more distracted, their ability to focus has decreased and the number of students with social challenges has increased. Additionally, as the time spent on electronic devices increases, the risk of depression, sleep deprivation and the risk factor for suicide also increases.

No one is denying the many benefits and advantages of this connectivity and even the benefits of social media. Nor can we, or the big contributors to this industry, deny the pitfalls and potential damaging effects that are present.

Have parents just surrendered, throwing their hands up in frustration? “Technology! Social media! I just don’t get it!” We, as parents, do bear some responsibility.

  • We need to be involved with our kids.
  • We need to watch what they are doing online and where they are.
  • We need to set good examples through our own use of technology and social media.
  • We need to ask questions, even the tough ones, when we see something on the phones or social media accounts that we deem questionable.
  • We need to ask questions about who or what they are following online, or who is following them.

But we need help. So we turn to Apple, and the other big players in this field, and ask for assistance. Help us. Provide us the tools, in a centralized location, to monitor and limit our kids’ use of their devices. Help us explain to them the potential negative effects of staring at their phones for hours on end, day after day after day.

Key findings from a Common Sense Media survey of parents and teens include:

  • Addiction: One out of every two teens feels addicted to his or her device, and the majority of parents feel that their kids are addicted.
  • Frequency: 72% of teens and 48% of parents feel the need to immediately respond to texts, social-networking messages, and other notifications; 69% of parents and 78% of teens check their devices at least hourly.
  • Distraction: 77% of parents feel their children get distracted by their devices and don’t pay attention when they’re together at least a few times per week.
  • Conflict: 36% of parents and 32% of teens say they argue with each other on a daily basis about device use.
  • Risky behavior: 56% of parents admit they check their mobile devices while driving; 51% of teens see their parents checking/using their mobile devices when driving.

Technology companies have helped to provide a way to open our kids’ minds and their worlds to different cultures, music from spanning generations, the ability to communicate with kids their age across the globe, to stay in touch with relatives, to access a recipe at the touch of a few buttons, to showcase their talents and many other educational and social benefits, and for that we say “thank you.”

Kids are smart, smarter than ever these days.  They know what they want and need.  They just don’t always know how to get there. So, we ask the technology companies, yes, Apple, we start with asking you, to commit resources to this end. Help us to help the next generation of thinkers, innovators, creative and brilliant minds, the generation that believes they can do anything, to help provide the tools we need to help them reach their full potential.

Should Parents Be Concerned about 13 Reasons Why?

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Rewind to spring 2017…13 Reasons Why was all the rage in both middle and high schools, especially among girls. The hottest questions on the table for parents were “Should I allow my child to watch this?” Or even more basic, “What is this show I keep hearing about?” School administers were facing the same questions and dealing with the students’ discussions in the classrooms and hallways. This Netflix series, produced by Selena Gomez, was the buzz!

13 Reasons Why is the story of Hannah Baker, a high school teen who commits suicide, leaving behind audio tapes identifying 13 people or reasons for killing herself. The series deals with topics such as sexual assault, substance abuse, bullying, and obviously, suicide.

I wanted to watch if for myself, both as a professional working with students and parents and as a parent of a, then, 12 year old girl. I was receiving emails and calls daily from parents, administrators, and teachers. I found the entire series difficult to watch. It was uncomfortable. It was depressing. It was sad. I started. I stopped. I went back. I was relieved when I finished the final episode. The buzz seemed to die down as spring turned into summer.

I tried to answer the question being asked repeatedly, “Should I allow my child to watch this?” I considered it as a professional, but I could not factor out the mother in me. I kept thinking of my own 12 year old daughter, and my gut instinct said “NO”! Honestly, some of the scenes are graphic, including Hannah’s actual suicide, in episode 13, in a bathtub, slitting her wrists. It was haunting and I could not actually watch this scene. I could not see any upside to my own daughter watching a suicide, fictional or not.

Fast forward to spring 2018…13 Reasons Why, Season 2 arrived in my Netflix queue. My heart sank. What more is there to depict? Suicide, rape, alcohol, drugs…they covered them all in Season 1, pretty thoroughly. The first episode starts out with this message from the cast encouraging people who feel troubled or in danger to get help, talk about it, or not watch the show. Frankly, most people watching, will fast forward right through this.

Is a show that addresses such mature and difficult topics appropriate for middle school students? Some argue it raises awareness on these topics that are relevant in our current environment. Others argue that younger teens, some who haven’t even hit puberty yet, cannot comprehend the magnitude of these subjects. One middle school teacher wrote this:

My stomach turns and drops multiple times a day, every single day without fail, listening to my students talk so casually about suicide in reference to this Netflix show. “I would have done it like this”, “she should have done it this way” “you are one of my 13 reasons why (this one was a new one today and directed at me “as a joke”)”, “I’m going home and recording my tapes after school”, “go and pull a Hannah.” Each statement is followed by laughter.

I keep coming back to the question “Should I allow my child to watch this?” This is a personal, parenting decision. My suggestion in finding your own answer to this question, like all things, is to take the time to educate yourself first. Then make an informed decision. Parents need to consider the pros and cons of this complex subject matter along with the maturity of the child.

  • Watch a few episodes for yourself
  • Do some research. Read things like this CNN article. Read reviews on  reputable sites like Common Sense Media.
  • Talk to other parents. A group consensus among the parents’ of your child’s friends can be very powerful.
  • Ask your child what he or she knows about the show. I guarantee that they know about it and have some opinions to offer.

If you ultimately decide it is appropriate for your child to view, view it with him or her. It might present some great opportunities for valuable discussion and ongoing dialog on these critical topics. Try to do more listening than talking. And finally, talk about people who have overcome such struggles. Highlight ways to deal with things like depression and anxiety in real life. Pose hypothetical situations like “what would you do if your friend told you she was going to commit suicide?” Most importantly, provide some real life stories and examples like these in this campaign by the Houston County Board of Education.

Response to Shootings: Be Involved in Children’s Digital Media Lives

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The tragic school shootings last week, in Parkland, FL, is a call to action on so many levels that we, as a country, need to address. However, this is also a call to action that we, as parents, can address immediately and with our own children. We need to be more involved in our children’s digital media lives!

Schools and parents are grappling with what messages to communicate to children as we process these horrific events. But first we need to understand the sources of the messages our children are receiving, what video footage they are seeing, and most importantly, how they are processing all this content.

It is inarguable that children see information about this event and feel a large number of emotions ranging from sadness to depression to anxiety. We as parents need to be our children’s first responders to these emotions.

According an to article by Marketing Charts, Common Sense Media reports 49% of teens say they get their news from social media…places like Facebook, Snapchat, and YouTube. There certainly are questions of the quality of the news. However, it is crucial  parents monitor the content and the reaction of their children to these events and the digital media that they follow. (Did you realize that the Discover function of Snapchat is one of the most popular ways that teens get their information on current events?)

When I was a child, I watched coverage of world events on a television, in a living room, with family members. My parents could sensor or filter what I heard or how much information I watched about the event. They could see how I reacted to the information. How did I process this in my fragile tween and teen brain? Could I handle it? Did I need to talk about it?

Fast forward to today. Children watch coverage and learn details, on a smartphone, in a bedroom, alone. They see graphic videos and read about teachers hiding with students in a closet, while a shooter is on the loose in a school. They process their emotions of fear, anxiety and sadness alone and without conversation with family, thus missing out on reassurance and comfort. We, as our children’s parents, need to do all we can to help them make, if even possible, any sense of these situations. We need to create dialog about what they should do if they see any type of messages on social media alluding to the possibility of such events.

While there are numerous calls to action that we as a country need to address, there is also a call to action that we as parents need to address. We need to find out what our children are doing with their devices. We need to understand the digital content they are consuming. And finally, we need to explore their feelings as it relates to technology and the events of the world we live in. We need to be involved in their online lives!

Snapchat Trends: Snap Map

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Note: This is the second of three articles on Snapchat. If you missed the first article, take a look: Snapchat Trends: Streaks and Scores.

I asked my 16 year old son’s friend, Nick, what he thought about Snapchat’s newest feature, Snap Map. His response was immediate and strong: “It’s creepy!”

At the end of June, Snapchat released an update to the app which includes Snap Map. This new feature allows a user to share location with all Snapchat friends, a few friends that are selected, or disappear from the map at anytime, referred to as “Ghost Mode”. When enabled, a friend can activate Snap Map and an icon representing the user will appear on the map in the user’s exact current location.

Concerns

So what should parents know about this? The first thing to consider is the critical issue of privacy and how much information our kids are sharing on social media. Privacy is one of the most difficult messages to get kids to understand and the perception that things disappear from Snapchat only clouds this message. Once something goes online, including Snapchat, privacy has been forfeited forever. I also talk to kids about the risks of “checking in” with a current location. Letting the world know an exact location at any given time is opening a huge window into your child’s private world, including home address, friends’ home addresses, school, and favorite hang out spots. Believe it or not, kids struggle to realize that they are communicating all that information.

So now enters the functionality of Snap Map, which can potentially allow any person who is a Snapchat “friend” to track your child’s every movement.  Let’s think about this… according to Statista, 79% of responding Internet users, aged 13 to 24, use Snapchat.

Snapchat is reported to have 100 million daily active users. I don’t have to do the math to know that if a large number of that 100 million are our children who have Snap Map enabled, there are a lot of locations being shared online!

Another issue to consider relates to exclusion and friendships. Snapchat describes Snap Map “as a way to meet up with friends in real life rather than just watching each other’s lives on your phone.” A noble idea, to say the least. So I asked a 16 year old girl what she thought of this idea. She talked about this being another way that social media can hurt people’s feelings. She said that because she could see Snap Map with all of her friends together, she will know when her friends were getting together WITHOUT her. She added “I would just rather not know if I’m not invited. Sometimes I’m not included and that’s ok. I get it. But I don’t need to see it.” The insights that teens provide can be sobering and eye opening. She was right. We don’t need to always know what our friends are doing and sometimes we are not included.

If you are like me, the first thing I wondered was if my own children have Snap Map enabled. Obviously I could simply ask them, but that is not always the best first approach as it can lead to some defensiveness, a sure conversation blocker. One suggestion would be to simply ask them if they have heard about it. In my house, that question usually initiates a quick eye roll (which I ignore) and then some explanation of what it is. If you can provide a place for your kids to talk about it openly, you might get a feel for where you need to go with the conversation. When given the proper platform, teens can do a good job of communicating their opinions on these issues. For younger tweens and teens, this is a great opportunity to talk about privacy and sharing of sensitive information.

Helpful Hints

  • Location sharing is off by default, in Ghost Mode.
  • It is not possible to share locations unless you are friends on Snapchat.
  • Snap Map is accessed by going to the camera screen and pinching your fingers together as if you are zooming out of a picture.
  • The location is updated on the Snap Map ONLY when Snapchat is open. The location is not updated in the background of the app.
  • Snaps that are submitted to Our Story can still show up on the map even in Ghost Mode.

Snapchat Trends: Streaks and Scores

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Note: This is the first of a 3 part blog series on Snapchat. Next up is a look at the latest feature from Snapchat, Snapmap.

In October 2014, I published Snapchat: Do those pictures really disappear forever? The objective was to provide an introduction to this relatively new app that was gaining popularity at an alarming speed. As I read over this blog today, I realize some of the basic information still holds true. However, 2.5 years later, Snapchat has become the clubhouse leader as the preferred app among teens. For many, this app has become more than simply a fun way to share pictures, but also a primary mode of communication. Most teens prefer to ‘snap’ someone rather than sending a traditional text (did I just refer to text as ‘traditional’?).

Just how popular is Snapchat? Here are some interesting stats and fun facts (as published by Omnicore, January, 2017) :

71% of Snapchat users are under 34 years old, 45% are between 18-24, & 23% are between 13-17

Total number of monthly active users = 300 million

Total number of daily active users = 100 million

Average time spent in the app per user on a daily basis = 25-30 minutes

According to a report by Statista (spring of 2017), Snapchat ranks as the ‘most important social media network of teens in the United States’. In my own home, it has proven to be an excellent way to stay connected on a daily basis with my son who is away at college. He is not a person who enjoys phone conversation, but I can send him a quick snap of the dog or a fun selfie with a caption ‘thinking of you’ or ‘miss you’. He will always return the snap with one of his own giving me some visibility into what’s going on in his life.

As the app has gained immense popularity, Snapchat has continued to add to its features and functions in an effort to make it an exciting place to be in the online world. These new features have increased its appeal to social media audiences, of which teens make up a high percentage.

Streaks

One way Snapchat keeps it users engaged on a daily basis is through Snapstreaks. A Snapstreak is a number which indicates how many days in a row two people have snapped each other. The number appears to the right of a friend’s name. There are emoji’s that go along with that number that indicate whether there is a streak going or if the streak is about to expire.

The question on my mind is this: Does a streak put a measurable number on a friendship for Snapchat users? Personally, I worry about the tendency of teens to measure their perceived importance or popularity among their peers by an arbitrary social media number. Are streaks becoming just another social media ploy that increases the social pressure our children feel in an effort to promote the use of the app which ultimately leads to more revenue for Snapchat? What is the cost (pun intended) to our children’s relationships, self esteem, and confidence? When I am in schools, I often hear kids tell me how many streaks they have going and how many days they have with the streak.

I have heard both sides of the argument from teens themselves. Recently, at a school in New York, one middle school boy told me that ‘streaks are stupid and cause people to send meaningless snaps’. He went on to tell me that he has received snaps of complete darkness with the message ‘#streak’ included. He described feeling that the person cared more about a streak than truly connecting and communicating with him.

On the flip side of this discussion, I asked a college student what he thought of Snapstreaks. He said this:

I feel like it can help people who are bad at keeping friendships going a little more accountable in the relationship. However, I don’t like when the snap is sent ONLY to keep the streak alive.

Scores

While Snapstreaks generate a number that can be viewed as a measures of the value of a friendship, a Snapchat score provides a  different analytic. A score is basically a number that measures the number of snaps a user has sent and received, stories that have been posted, and some other factors.

While a Snapchat score does not seem to carry the same importance and implied meanings of a Snapstreak, it still gives a number that can be perceived by teens as a measure of popularity and self importance. For example, my Snapchat score is about 1,500, but my son has a score of 161,000. Personally, I could care less about this.  However, I worry that a teen might draw some fairly inaccurate conclusions from a number that was devised to increase traffic on the app and generate more advertising revenue. Think of all the numbers that are generated for our children as a result of social media activity…followers, likes, Snapstreaks, Snapscore, friends.  It is a lot to manage and navigate for anyone much less our children.

The Challenge of Summer and Screen Time

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For some of us, this might be your kids 1st week of summer vacation and you are basking in the freedom from hectic schedules, the stress of homework, and sleeping a little later in the mornings. For others, this might be the 3rd or 4th week of summer and the thrill of freedom might be starting to wear thin at times. While I love the opportunity to hop on the bikes with my daughter at the drop of a hat or spend the day at the pool, I also worry about the abundance of free time on my kids’ hands. I see this translate into more time with phones in their hands and iPads at their sides.

How do we manage summer with all the pros of freedom, sun, and fun and all the cons of potentially more screen time? How do we avoid the verbal conflicts of ‘put your phone down’, ‘stop texting’, and ‘how long have you been watching Netflix’? Here are a few suggestions that might help manage screen time and phone usage this summer in a healthy way.

Set limits and be consistent in enforcing them.

Think about how much screen time is appropriate for your child. Some families like to measure this on a daily basis, while others like to measure it on a weekly basis. Regardless of what you decide is appropriate, be consistent in enforcing it across the summer including time on vacation with long car rides. One of the great byproducts of this is that kids will learn how to manage their time which is a great lifelong skill to develop. Another suggestion in setting limits that might be helpful is to let your child collaborate on the limits and rules. Have a discussion about how much is appropriate and how it will be measured and tracked. If your child feels like he had a voice in this, he may show less resistance to the limits and rules.

Use technology to enhance your child’s passions.

My daughter loves to bake. A few summers ago, I said that she needed to write over the summer. This did not go over well at all. ‘Mom, I am not doing school work during the summer!’ I get it. I can’t blame her. But research shows that kids lose so much ground over the summer if they don’t do anything. I suggested that she create a blog around baking. She loved this idea and was really excited to bake and then WRITE about it. The writing, however, was done on a WordPress site. She has continued to keep up the site and expand it. This summer, she has already overhauled her website and has been writing blog entries. Technology is not only feeding her passion but it has also been a great way to intersect education with technology. And the best part? Absolutely no badgering, nagging, or fighting over summer homework!

Read a book together that involves challenges of online activities and social media.

Let’s face it, these are tough issues and issues that kids face on a daily basis. They are difficult topics for kids and parents to talk about but yet there are so many unanswered questions and slippery slopes to navigate. There are some good Young Adult, fiction books that are good reads for both your middle/high schooler as well as for parents. Read them at the same time and talk about the issues and challenges. Form a small book group with your child’s friends and parents. This is a great way to get your child engaged in the book as well as hear other parents’ thoughts and ideas. Here are a few books that I recommend:

  • Can’t Look Away by Donna Cooner
  • Girl Online by Zoe Sugg

Keep busy with activities your child loves.

Remember, there was life before Instagram, YouTube, and Netflix. Your child might not realize this, but it is true. Sometimes kids forget that there are things that they love that do not involve a screen, but sometimes the screen is the quickest and easiest solution to boredom. There are camps, classes, day trips, swimming pools, parks, books, bikes, and so many other things that are fun during the summer and sometimes not available during the school year. My daughter is attending a pottery camp this week and loves it! Another suggestion is to have your child research a day trip or sites to see on vacation. Yes, the iPad can be used to do the research, but it is being used in a productive way.

Never discount the power of bartering for screen time.

I love nothing better than a good negotiation. Do these chores and the reward is an hour of screen time. Read for an hour and you can watch Netflix for 30 minutes. Screen time can be used as the carat to motivate your child to do the things that are normally a fight to get accomplished. Never discount the power of brokering a great deal.

Schedule tech free time for the entire family.

This is a practice that I highly recommend for all families all year round (I blogged about previously.) The beauty of summer is the lack of schedules and running around. However, this can also result in the loss of some fundamentally sound family practices. Make sure that you find some time throughout the summer for everyone to put their technology down for a few hours or a day or even for an entire vacation. The days are longer and there is so much to do outside as a family. I love this time of year!