How do you set time limits with technology in your family?

My cousin shared this article from the New York Times with me. Take a second to read it. It is pretty interesting.

Steve Jobs was a Low Tech Parent

Personally, I found this article to be both thought provoking and humbling, with a little bit of humor sprinkled in (loved the part about touch screens in Jobs’ home). I initially just shared it on my personal Facebook page. A couple of friends remarked on the article, and I could see the wheels turning in their heads as well as my own as to how we handle limits of technology in our homes.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not the model parent when it comes to screen time limitations. Like some of you, I have all the rationalizations at the ready to relieve my guilt: my kids are active, homework gets done, grades are good (most of the time), none of them are obsessive with it (not completely true), blah, blah, blah. We do have one rule that is never violated and I am happy to say never even challenged: No tech at any meals, either in the house or at a restaurant.

After reading the article and being honest with myself, I thought about what I should do. Do I institute limits? Do I collect devices during the week? These are both possible solutions. Heck, they seem to work for the big wigs of the world that we all depend on to give us the next, great iPhone. However, as I thought a little more, I realized that there are some difficulties with this in my home, and I don’t think there is one solution that fits all three of my kids.

When do they out grow limits?

I have a high school junior and quite honestly, he probably could benefit the most from some limits. However my overriding objective with him is to teach him how to self regulate and get him ready to go off to college. The harsh reality is that he will be ON HIS OWN in 22 VERY short months (sniff, sniff). I’d much rather see him struggle with independence now rather than when he goes off to college. The price of struggling with independence at that point is very high both emotionally and financially.

My current approach across his life is to create responsibility for him to managing his life by giving him independence WITH consequences. The goal is to get him to balance his technology time with homework, activities, and responsibilities. Certainly I monitor this, offer guidance, provide gentle reminders, and if necessary, enforce consequences when he does not succeed at finding the balance. So for my high school junior, hard limits might prove to be more detrimental in the long run.

Should limits be affected by how the technology is being used?

The other two kids in the house are 13 and 10 years old. It would be logical to set limits for these two. The 13 year old probably would not even use his allotment of screen time and could sell off his excess to his younger sister! He tends to be more interested in things that involve some type of ball and movement.

The 10 year old is a little more of a conundrum. She is on her iPad a lot. However, I am fascinated with how and what she does. She is not allowed on Instagram or other social media sites and does not really play games. She loves to create charms with clay. Unbeknownst to me, there is a vast online community doing this. So she creates instructional videos that she shares (she is highly aware of a the safety of not showing her face and giving out any personal info) and follows other crafters. I’m amazed at the creative outlet she has found. I ask myself ‘Would I limit her time of crafting if technology was not involved?’ Absolutely not. I actually would encourage it. For her, technology has enhanced a very creative skill.

What am I demonstrating?

Hello, my name is Liz and I am a phone addict! One of my parenting mantras is to not expect something from my children that I don’t expect of myself. If I’m honest with myself, my use is slightly excessive. Yes, it is part of my job. But, I could put my phone down more often. I could not check my email at every stop light. I really don’t need to read Facebook posts multiple times a day. I am the living, breathing example to my children. If I question their amount of time on technology, maybe I should be cognizant of my own. I’m sure I’m not alone here.

So what is the bottom line of my reflection on this article? In an effort to create some limits that might work in my home, I think I might propose a ‘Technology Free Night’. We can have dinner together and play an old fashion game or maybe watch a movie. The goal is not to punish anyone in the family by limiting technology but rather to promote and encourage healthy, family bonding behavior. The technology tends to disconnect us all. So maybe that is the goal for us…take some time to build real connections.