Is Social Media Creating Stress and Anxiety for Teens?

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Is social media responsible for an increase in teen depression and anxiety? According US News and World Reports, the number of youths with mental health disorders has nearly doubled in the last decade. Many people point directly to the increase in technology in teens lives. It is inarguable that the amount of screen time in the form of social media, gaming, and texting has exponentially increased for all of us in the last decade and especially in the lives of teens. But does this increase result in more anxiety, depression, etc.? The reality is there are articles and research that support both sides of this argument.

Research aside, here is my reality. My 15-year-old daughter is an avid, typical teen user of social media. I feel like she spent most of her summer doing what I refer to as “mindlessly scrolling” through Instagram, Reddit, and Vsco. I held my opinion to myself when I often wanted to exclaim “How has anything possibly changed on Instagram since you last looked at your feed 3 minutes ago?” I knew that this was not a productive question.

One evening I was sitting with her on the front porch and out of the blue and unprompted she says, “My phone is driving me crazy.” I was surprised and very curious where this conversation was going. My instinct told me less is more and to hold my own words tight: let her talk. So, I responded with a simple “Really?”. She then added “Well, it isn’t really my phone. It is Instagram. It is stressing me out! I feel so much pressure to like people’s post and make the right comments. It is hard to keep up.”  This is a teenager that doesn’t often open up like this. So, I knew it must be causing her some real anxiety.

As a mother, I wanted to tell her to put her phone down, stop mindlessly scrolling, Instagram is dumb, and none of it matters. But these were not effective responses to her feelings nor were they solutions that she would embrace. More importantly, I knew those comments were conversation enders, and I wanted to keep this dialog going. I wanted to build her awareness of her social media use and how it makes her feel. If she could identify which part of her use of social media caused her anxiety, then she could possibly develop her own changes to her behavior. This might create more impactful and long-lasting solutions.

Here are the 3 ways that were effective in building her awareness and driving towards her solutions:

  1. I asked questions. I kept the questions simple, and most importantly, I tried to express absolutely no judgement. The goal of the questions was to get her to think and reflect on her use. I asked things like “How do you feel?”, “What would happen if you didn’t keep up?”, “How would your life be affected if you didn’t comment?”
  2. I listened more than I talked. At the age of 15-years-old, she is starting to resist my lectures more than she did a few years ago. Her opinions and knowledge of her world is expanding, and her independence is growing. By listening, she was allowed the space to figure it out herself. Certainly, I interjected some opinions and suggestions, but I kept them very short and simple.
  3. I asked her to come up with 2 or 3 changes to how she uses social media that might reduce her anxiety. Yes, I had about 100 changes I could have suggested or demanded she make, but this was not productive nor sustaining. By the end of the conversation, she had a few things she wanted to work on.

We can read articles and research findings all day, but our own children are living the reality of being tremendously connected to the digital world. That is not changing anytime soon. The goal is to provide a safe, non-threatening place where they can examine, question, and explore their feelings around their own use of technology. Our children are smart, actually smarter than we realize. By providing them empathy, mentoring, and a space to explore, I am hopeful many of them will begin to adapt their digital habits in healthy ways.

Adjusting Back to School Routines, Sleep, and Technology

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Here it is…. the traditional Labor Day weekend, the proverbial “end of summer”. For kids, the “end of summer” is marked by the first day of school. Some kids’ summer ended weeks ago, and Labor Day is just another day off school, but for others, summer will end this week as the east coast schools start their school year.

Regardless of when the school year started, we need to transition back into the routine of school. Summer affords all of us, students and parents alike, an opportunity to relax the routine a bit and recharge the batteries. But reentry into the school year can be an adjustment for everyone.

Two concerns with the return to school are sleep and time with technology. Here are 4 things to consider balancing technology, schoolwork, sleep routines, etc:

Reset the rules.

Whenever there is a change in routine, it is a good opportunity for both parents and kids to revisit the discussion around technology use, time limits, and rules. Often, the boundaries and rules slip during the relaxed nature of summer. Now is the time to open the conversation. If your child has an Apple device, consider using the Screen Time functionality native to the device to build awareness and assist in establishing boundaries and limits.

Balance homework and use of technology.

This is a great question to ask at your Back to School night: How will my child be using technology for homework? If the school has a school issued device program, the expectations might be high with most homework utilizing the device. As you work to establish screen time limits, this can often be a challenging issue. It is difficult to discern the difference in use between homework and recreation. Additionally, many kids struggle to avoid the distraction of YouTube, ESPN, social media, and online gaming when using devices for homework. It is helpful to ask the question and have a clear expectation of technology and homework. If your child is using technology for homework, consider having a central homework location to ensure the devices are being used appropriately during this time and distractions are being avoided. Here are some other questions to ask regarding technology in the classroom.

Consider the balance of technology in your child’s life.

With more and more schools moving to dedicated 1:1 technology programs, we have to consider the balance of time looking at screens not only recreationally but educationally as well. For example, my daughter who is a sophomore in high school, told me one day last week that she had been looking at her iPad for over 10 hours that day when she summed up the time in class and homework. That struck me as excessive, out of balance, and unhealthy. With the emphasis on technology as learning tools in the schools on the rise, it is more important than ever for us to stress that balance to our children. Create tech free places that require you and your child to put the devices away for 10, 15 or even 60 minutes. The two easiest places to do this are the dinner table and the car. These are the places where it is easy to enforce and have face to face conversation. They are quick and easy ways to unplug and hear about the day. Everyone will benefit.

Turn off devices an hour before your child’s bedtime.

There is no question that kids are not getting enough sleep. If you work in a school, it is obvious that kids are tired. It can be challenging to get the recommended 10 hours of sleep for 7-12 year old, with afterschool activities, working parents, homework, etc. But I strongly recommend collecting devices an hour before bedtime so your child can unwind from technology. Play a game, read a book, listen to music…. but ensure the device is out of the bedroom and that stimulating blue light is out of your child’s vision. This will improve the overall quality of sleep. It is also critical to shut down the constant group messaging that is happening by taking the phone as bedtime approaches. The number is messages kids are receiving after 9pm via group chats is staggering. Last week, one class of 6th graders said there are over 200 group messages sent between 9am and 6am on their group chat!

The end of summer can be a tough time for everyone, especially kids transitioning into new schools, new classrooms, new teachers, and new friends. I hope that these suggestions make things smoother. Good luck to all and hoping for a wonderful 2019-2020 school year!